Posted by B2chica on June 21, 2004, at 12:11:01
In reply to So hard *trigger*, posted by cubic_me on June 21, 2004, at 8:55:20
>>Feeling like I want to rip the insides from my body and tear them into shreads. Feeling that no physical punishment would be enough for me.
i don't know that i even hate this feeling inside me anymore...it seems like i've felt this for so long, it's just who i am. Maybe that's why i'm struggling so much in therapy...maybe i don't want this to go away...it's all i know, it's my only secure thing i have in my life.
-isn't it crazy that one minute i can give(try to anyway)support to those to keep going, to not harm, to not die and truly believe it. and at the same time i understand what they feel inside because that ache exists inside me. Unfortunatly i don't want to die, but as you say above, No punishment would be enough for me.
It is I who should be the one that is beaten, MINE who's body is torn to shreds, ME who deserves to have everything i hold dear torn away, ME the one unjustly jailed and tortured. ME captured and murdered. ME pennyless and alone on the cold streets.
It is ME that deserves all this, not those that it truly happens to. What have they ever done, when my list of harm and shame is endless.
I am sorry you hurt...and i TRULY wish i could take it from you. I would bare this for you in a heartbeat, especially since you have been so kind. You deserve love, no ache, and peace of mind.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:358522
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/358609.html