Posted by karen_kay on June 17, 2004, at 18:33:25
In reply to Admitting to Hurt Feelings, posted by daisym on June 17, 2004, at 0:12:29
((((daisy)))))
this is a close friend, right? i think that what may have happened is that she was caught completely off guard dear. and i know that when i'm told something that i don't know exactly how to handle, i sometimes laugh, or just sit there with my mouth open and gaping. in all honesty, if this is a close friend whom you've know for a while, i'm certain in my head that her reaction was one of shock. as she wouldn't have expected something like that to be said. i know it doesn't help your feelings on her reaction, but i'm trying to say that alot of people don't know what to say when they hear something that they didn't expect to hear. many times i find myself in that situation dear. and i'm sorry that her first (and second and third) reaction wasn't very supportive, but please don't let her instinct (which would have been shock) affect the fact that you are wonderful and doing the right thing... some people just aren't good at reacting to situations like this.
and,you said you could call her in a crisis. don't let this affect that either dear. (my therapist told me that alot of the feelings i have about this sort of thing go away once i begin to 'tell the secret' and it's no longer a secret. plus, it helps in learning to trust again. i've honestly found that to help me quite a bit.)
i'm so sorry her reaction wasn't the best dear, in fact it couldn't really have been much worse. but, don't allow her immediate reaction stop you from learning to trust your friends. i think it's a very different reaction that people have when they haven't been through something like that. but, remember that not everyone will react that way either.
(sort of a similar bad reaction i once had... my sister called to tell me she was in a car accident and my first thought (and i even said it) was 'what's the car look like. i'm still kicking myself for that stupid mistake, but it came as a shock she'd been in an accident and i assumed she was ok if she was calling me. another one.. same sister... called me and woke me up to tell me she's pregnant. first words out of my mouth were 'is it <your boyfriend's>?' (and of course i knew it was, i was just shocked by her news) she's still upset about that and i don't blame her a bit. sometimes people say stupid, stupid things just out of surprise....)
((((daisy)))) you did a very good thing by opening up. and don't let someone's first reaction stop you from making progress dear. and be thankful that she doesn't know the perfect thing to say in such a situation, because if she did it may be out of experience.
poster:karen_kay
thread:357436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/357645.html