Posted by LynneDa on June 1, 2004, at 10:08:41
In reply to Re: Sandy » mystic, posted by SandyWeb on May 30, 2004, at 23:41:07
Hi girlfriend . . . I'm so happy to hear from you and that you're still among the living :-) I'm trying to get caught up after being away from my computer all weekend - lots of posts! I am totally okay with your situation and talking to you regularly or irregularly doesn't bother me. I was quite nervous not hearing from you, of course, but I understand how that goes because I'm the same way.
How are you???? Are you able to deal with whatever's happened this week? Please take it step by step, day by day okay?
You're not a bad person and not everything you do turns out badly. Not committing suicide is not a failing . . . quite the opposite, it's your spirit and will to live coming through.
Please just worry about yourself sweetie, that's enough for you to take on right now :-).
I'm not ready to give up on you. I saw this wall hanging this weekend that said "Don't return a kindness, pass it along." That's why I'm fine with you just "taking" as you say. IT IS OKAY!!!!! You'll be able to pass it along some other time in your life.
Please don't end your life. Why won't you try meds or herbs again? I have a whole bottle of 5htp I bought before I went on Lexapro so didn't take much of it. I can send it to you if you want to try it. If you could just get a little relief from your depression, it could make a huge difference.
Please call me if you want, I really don't mind talking to you in person if you think it would help, okay? 1-800-222-8215 x9507.
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I'm sorry I hurt you, Mystic.
>
> I'm surprised that you all didn't kick me before this point. I really, really deserve it. I am a very callous, unfeeling, self-absorbed person for not having been more attentive to your needs.
>
> This past week has been enormously draining on me. And it just is too much to share because all I do is take and take.....and never give back to you. And I'm not very pleased with the type of person I am.
>
> It's just too much. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I NEVER EVER meant to hurt any of you. I was overwhelmed that anyone even wanted to walk this course with me!!! And I thank you for sticking with me for so long.
>
> I'm not a good person, I know that. I'm very selfish, and I took you all for granted. It just was too much to keep writing to you all about "poor little me"....and I never had the energy to actually give back anything in return. I feel like a louse.
>
> I feel sick to my stomach. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was sparing you all by not sending messages anymore. I didn't expect to still be here today. I thought it would have been over last week. And I really can't stand being such a failure. And I'm sorry for hurting you.
>
> So I guess we should close up shop now. I know you all need support, and I'm dragging you down. I can't seem to do it right...whether I talk or remain silent...I end up causing problems for you all.
>
> I *am* sorry. But this is what I do....I mess up. All my life. Forever more.
>
> Time to go to bed. I wish you all the best!! I really do.
>
> Hugs,
> Sandy
>
poster:LynneDa
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040525/msgs/352682.html