Posted by SandyWeb on May 31, 2004, at 12:02:41
In reply to Re: Let's Close This Thread, posted by mystic on May 31, 2004, at 0:17:58
You just don't get it. Whether I'm talking or being silent, it seems I don't do anything but upset you. This should never have happened in the first place.
I am not looking for HELP. I am not looking to be RESCUED. I am not looking for ATTENTION. I am not looking for SOLUTIONS.
I am already DEAD. The only thing left is to follow through on the details. I do NOT want to stay here. All I do is SLEEP and SLEEP and SLEEP. And when I'm awake, all I do is DRINK and POP PILLS. Do you know my daughter got up the other night and found me "asleep" in the livingroom chair, holding onto a pill bottle?? I don't even remember that! I've lost hours and days....I can't remember what I've done. And when my mind IS working, the only thoughts I have are to finish it NOW.
The last straw is OVER. I've been dead for the past week. It makes me MAD that you won't leave me alone. What do I have to do to get you to walk away?? Yell at me...I don't care. I'm used to that. You can't hurt me. I'm already DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!! Just go back to your own business.
I am so TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything is falling apart. And I can't do this for one more day. I feel like I'm walking around in the Twilight Zone.
Close the thread...PLEASE. My choice, my thread. Sorry I hurt and upset you all. I never was who you thought I was.