Posted by rainyday on May 3, 2004, at 14:11:59
In reply to Re: Am I better or is this an illusion? » rainyday, posted by Penny on May 3, 2004, at 12:55:04
I guess my beef is that I used to be such a positive person, strong, confident, and peaceful within myself. When those attributes were stolen by my depression and anxiety,I became really angry too. Now when I get glimpses of the "old" me, I become hopeful that I might again become her. I think I have to accept that the ups and downs are part of the new me. And I completely agree that all the positives I listed for today still hold true, and that's a good thing.
FWIW, my p-doc did increase my meds slightly after my visit today. I have had visits with her when I could say, "I feel better that I have in months" and "No panic attacks in 2 days" and we both agree that we're on the right track medication wise. She also gets to see me like I am today: discouraged by being down and afraid of going deeper. She also understands my desire to be able to function highly at work. This IS the source of much of my anxiety, but slowly it is being addressed. It's all so tumbled together: confidence, confrontation avoidance, outbursts of anger, inconsolable sadness. I feel like Maurice Marceau doing all his faces at once.
My wish is to be grateful for all the good things I feel and that I'm thankful for. I have done a lot of living in the past, and that is the hardest habit for me to break.
As I have said many times before, you guys are so helpful! I am definitely a "can't see the forest for the trees" person, and you're my forest rangers.
poster:rainyday
thread:342769
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/342870.html