Posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 19:40:47
In reply to In my dreams I freeze, posted by Jai Narayan on March 2, 2004, at 18:30:22
Here's a dream that I had as a teenager that pretty well describes the feeling:
I was hiding from some drug dealers or other sort of criminals, because I'd seen them commit a crime of some sort. At the moment in the dream when I saw them commit the crime, I blamed myself for having seen what they did. I also knew that they knew I'd seen it. That meant that they'd kill me if they could find me. I ended up hiding under a heavy canvas tarp, trying not to breathe, not to shiver, just stay totally motionless. All the while, knowing that they would keep looking, knowing that they would kill me as soon as they found me, knowing that I had no way to escape, etc.
(I hadn't thought of that dream for decades, by the way, but it was recurrent for a while there. Your description of watching the men come towards you brought it all back, including the sense of dread.)
In waking life, it's basically just being very, very still. Not breathing very deeply, because that would give me away. Not relaxing my muscles, because that would make me a larger target. I almost always know where my escape routes are, just an automatic instinct to see how I can get to safety, even though there never really is any.
(Part of that, by the way, about no safety, is true and not just impaired perception. In my family, there is no safe place when someone starts going off. You can't escape, because then you could never come back, and they would come after you. They're very loving, but very explosive. I just plain can't take that, and just freeze, hoping it won't be very bad this time.)
So, that's what freezing means to me. Does it make any sense?
poster:Racer
thread:318665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040219/msgs/319512.html