Posted by deirdrehbrt on January 2, 2004, at 20:58:26
In reply to famly looks @ disorder as contageous disease, posted by st@cy on January 2, 2004, at 12:48:49
St@cy,
It's really amazing reading what you are going through at 18, and what I am going through in my 40's. There is alot of similarity.
I am staying in an apartment in my parents house, hopefully for not much longer. My parents try to come in between me and my two daughters. Evidently, they aren't certain that my parenting skills are worth very much. I often wish I could remind them that 'their' parenting skills are in good measure what got me where I am today.
As far as burning down the house is concerned, my latest trick was to bake some garlic bread. I preheated the oven, put the bread in, and took it out-------- 4 days later. Not too much left of it.
I have a nephew who is a nurse. One day he caught a glimpse of my arm. He made a remark about a viscious cat, but I was kind of busted at that point anyway. I came clean.
It's sad, but family will always be a difficult thing to handle. I had a brother tell me that I was already dead to him. Another told me that he would 'protect' his kids from me. My parents ignore the illness, and don't talk about it except to make sure that I'm still taking my meds. It's really sad.
I suppose that I do things that justify a bit of what others think of me. I'm a multiple, and the behavior changes can be dramatic. If I wasn't mentally ill, I might think that I had alzheimers or something. I can go from laughing to crying my eyes out faster than someone can change a DVD. Sometimes I wonder if I'm happy or manic, and it really scares me. If I take 100 mg of seroquel and I calm down, then it was mania (as near as I can tell). If I was just happy, I would have been calmer or a bit drowsy, but still happy.
In any case, the problem lies with other people's perceptions much more than your worth as a human being. Of course there are skills you will learn to help you navigate through the world, but you can't change what others think of people with mental illness, with certain exceptions.
The first is dignity. You have value as a human being. Know it. Feel it. and behave with that knowledge and feeling.
The second is responsibility. As you learn about your illness, you will learn what your limitations and needs are. See to them so that others can recognize that you are indeed taking care of yourself.
The third is honor. You have responsibilities towards others in your family. Treat them with respect, even if you spend as little time as possible with them. Let them know that you are above petty namecalling and smart enough to not buy into their unfounded fears.
The fourth is teaching. You need to know enough about your illness to educate others when they do, and they will, ask you questions. It may take quite alot of time, but someday, one of your relatives will find that curiosity outweighs ignorance and ask you about mental illness. That is the moment when you can show that you aren't an ogre, and that you are capable of intelligent conversation; that you know a good deal because you've asked the same questions. Be gracious. Help them find other resources. Recommend books. You are an ambassador, and they are the foreign government.
Just my own ideas. They don't all work in my family yet, but I think the theory is sound.
Dee.
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:295751
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/295887.html