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Bipolar and me..

Posted by Casey P. Thompson on December 23, 2003, at 19:01:38

Oh if I could only write a book with such a title...

Im new to this website..I needed some type of comfort, sanity, release.

I was diagnosed with this horrid disease at 19. Now, 22, I feel its been 10 years since the diagnosis. My mother argues its PMDD (Pre- Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder). Some argue Im just "constantly depressed and lacking in motivation"- others see that I might just be Bipolar.
My symptoms consist of such random mood swings and emotions-- I wouldnt know where to begin.

1. Irritablity
2. Paranoia
3. Drastic mood swings
4. Anger problems
5. Severe annoyance with things, people, actions-- at times...everything.
6. Irrationality
7. Anxiety
8. Sweating when having an arguement/debate
9. Extremely emotional
10. Depressed
11. Thoughts of suicide
12.Not caring
13. Egotistcal
14. Not able to hold a job
15. Violent and physically abusive (rarely, but happens)
16. Low Self-Esteem
17. Racing mind
18. Nightmares
19. Religious dreams
20. Ego with spirituality- God.
21. Bouts of lying (to feel accepted)
22. Destructive
23. Spending too much money because "it doesnt matter anyways"
24. Extreme bouts of "Obsessive Compulsive" moments. (Like cleaning-- and not remembering half of actually doing it)
25. Signs of ADHD
26. Signs of PMDD
27. Lots of "sexual partners"

I could go on and on.

Some could say Im a "Mental Hypochondriac" or a "chroic daydreamer"--- even a "walking contradiction".

Of course I just say Im "gifted".

I have a wonderful talent with writing, painting, photography, music.... etc.
Though that doesnt do me much justice when I have a scholarship in my hands-- but am too uncomfortable/afraid to go to college.

I cant hold jobs--- which just makes my depression worse.

Im on Lamictal- and soon Effexir (sp?) when I see my psychiatrist next.

Ive been on Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Depakote, Lithium, Lexapro-- and now Lamictal.

Oh the stories I could write and share---
Though I dont need the reminder of how ignorant, stupid, irrational, and pathetic I tend to be at times.

Sometimes I think... "what If I just run this van, right into that tree".
Then I think-- "well, that would hurt".


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poster:Casey P. Thompson thread:292930
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031217/msgs/292930.html