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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Casey P. Thompson on December 23, 2003, at 19:01:38
Oh if I could only write a book with such a title...
Im new to this website..I needed some type of comfort, sanity, release.
I was diagnosed with this horrid disease at 19. Now, 22, I feel its been 10 years since the diagnosis. My mother argues its PMDD (Pre- Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder). Some argue Im just "constantly depressed and lacking in motivation"- others see that I might just be Bipolar.
My symptoms consist of such random mood swings and emotions-- I wouldnt know where to begin.1. Irritablity
2. Paranoia
3. Drastic mood swings
4. Anger problems
5. Severe annoyance with things, people, actions-- at times...everything.
6. Irrationality
7. Anxiety
8. Sweating when having an arguement/debate
9. Extremely emotional
10. Depressed
11. Thoughts of suicide
12.Not caring
13. Egotistcal
14. Not able to hold a job
15. Violent and physically abusive (rarely, but happens)
16. Low Self-Esteem
17. Racing mind
18. Nightmares
19. Religious dreams
20. Ego with spirituality- God.
21. Bouts of lying (to feel accepted)
22. Destructive
23. Spending too much money because "it doesnt matter anyways"
24. Extreme bouts of "Obsessive Compulsive" moments. (Like cleaning-- and not remembering half of actually doing it)
25. Signs of ADHD
26. Signs of PMDD
27. Lots of "sexual partners"I could go on and on.
Some could say Im a "Mental Hypochondriac" or a "chroic daydreamer"--- even a "walking contradiction".
Of course I just say Im "gifted".
I have a wonderful talent with writing, painting, photography, music.... etc.
Though that doesnt do me much justice when I have a scholarship in my hands-- but am too uncomfortable/afraid to go to college.I cant hold jobs--- which just makes my depression worse.
Im on Lamictal- and soon Effexir (sp?) when I see my psychiatrist next.
Ive been on Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Depakote, Lithium, Lexapro-- and now Lamictal.Oh the stories I could write and share---
Though I dont need the reminder of how ignorant, stupid, irrational, and pathetic I tend to be at times.Sometimes I think... "what If I just run this van, right into that tree".
Then I think-- "well, that would hurt".
Posted by lepus on December 24, 2003, at 20:33:09
In reply to Bipolar and me.., posted by Casey P. Thompson on December 23, 2003, at 19:01:38
I identify with much of what you wrote, Casey. I can't seem to hold down a job or graduate with my 4 year degree no matter what scholarships I get either. It makes me more depressed too. I understand a lot of your symptoms as well. Hurts when someone thinks we are "lacking in motivation" and it hurts even worse when I think that of myself and don't accept that I have some sort of disease although I am not exactly sure I understand which one.
I don't know. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone and I identified with you and your words. Maybe someday we will find a way out of this mess.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 24, 2003, at 20:49:50
In reply to Re: Bipolar and me.., posted by lepus on December 24, 2003, at 20:33:09
Hiya!
I too am dx Bipolar I Disorder, but I am relieved to finally have a name to my illness. I have many similar symptoms. And, it is taking me forever to get my degree. I've had to sit out for over a year and work to save money, but I will have a combined total of 11 semesters for a BA and AA. Odd, I have scholarships as well. Hmmm... Proof, we ARE in fact gifted :) (That helps me sleep at night, well when I'm not manic anyway...)But, what has helped me tremendously is finding the proper medication cocktail and therapy.
And it has been a long and hard journey to find the proper meds, but *knock on wood* what I'm on is working for now. My grades are up and I'm motivated.I just chose not to let my dx define me as a person. And it definetly hurts when others think that I am unmotivated. I fight with my boyfriend constantly about that, as I still have some problems in that area. Meds and therapy still don't solve all of my problems. But, it's a daily battle. I guess it could be worse. I could be my mother. And that's the whole reason I started therapy! I began cleaning my house as if I were my mother, spot cleaning with a rag-every corner with a rag and cleaner! That's when I knew it was time to seek help!
This is the end of the thread.
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