Posted by Jai Narayan on December 12, 2003, at 17:19:50
In reply to never and other big words, posted by Medusa on December 12, 2003, at 13:52:27
> Hi Jai, I hope it's okay if I jump in here and point out some things I've had to learn about situations like this ...
>
> I've noticed some either/or, black/white thinking and feeling in your posts.
>
I know....so much gray, grey...why two different spellings??? Gray enough to go around. I know....all that....why didn't I remember that??? It's funny about emotions...they are so black or white....While the mind has a choice of all these variable colors. I guess the worst feeling is shame...some how that kicks in when I have hurt people like this. That feeling sends me into black and white.
>
> >kind of deadness inside....
that comes with the shame and guilt....I swear I am not into guilt or shame but here it is knocking at my door.
> It seems like before, you felt very alive with your connection to Larry. Am I right? And now since the misunderstanding, you feel shutdown and numb and dead.
>
some how Larry was the first person to pay any attention to me and give me some kind energy, ask me questions so I kind of associated him with the site. So my feelings seem to go up with that and now go down with that....you have to admit this has not been a quiet little connection.
> But I And that I'm constantly improving, and it's things like forcing myself to go back, to keep keeping on, that help me to grow, and reduce the likelihood of future doofus moves.
<I totally appreciate your sharing....
> > A while ago someone sent me a warning....to
> > not be so naive.
That was in connection with the blocking of Destroyo and his group said they could not cope on the psycho babble site so they had another site to go to...to really talk.
> Instead of as two sides of a coin, maybe you could set up the knowing / not knowing on a spectrum. Let's say Larry Hoover knows himself better than anyone else does. Well, even he isn't all the way at the 100% knowing end of the spectrum. You got a few bits and pieces of the Real Live Larry, and then you weren't all the way at the 0% knowing point any more. Could you explore some of the %s between 0 and 100 and see how they feel?
>
Yup, boy isn't that the truth. We can sometimes know ourselves better than anyone else can know us. I guess I go into lala-land with this site....I start to think all these fear thoughts....so who is this person....who are these people...did I tell them where I live!!! Are they really mad at me and will do me harm? You know the fear thoughts....you just start to wonder who you thought someone was and suddenly they seem different and then you get scared....what did I say, how much did I tell. Suddenly you wish you had kept your mouth shut and just listened and read the posts and said nothing...you know the world looks hostile kind of stuff.
> One thing I do when I'm in a situation like this is wait and see what the other person does. It takes practice to get comfortable with this - the first few (hundred?) times I tried this, it was purely exercise and I was really really jumpy. But I've now practiced enough that I can feel the calm. This isn't a passive thing - when they make the next move, you can actively decide how to respond. If they don't make any move, you're empowered with very interesting information.
<I want to shut up for good. but as you can see I am not a shut up kind of gal....babble..babble...I am so ready to communciate. God help me.
> There are things that can make the waiting exercise more like a game. Let me know if you'd like examples.
<I am no longer waiting to communicate, I kind of dread communication. I feel (not think) like I can "do no right".
> I don't know if humor helps any, but you didn't commit any absolutely unforgiveable act, or even anything really hideous.
<Humor always works for me...I love to laugh. It breaks up all sorts of blockages. thanks it was funny and I love her songs.
> Hang in there Jai. And you know what, your experience might give you perspective that could be helpful for me. I'm going to post a question in a new thread, and I'd appreciate your input.
<I hope I find it.
Your post name is kind of awesome...Medusa the woman with all the snakes for hair...at one time in my life a man said I reminded him of Medusa...I really didn't know what to think of that...
Thank you so much. I had fun and learned some...I love to learn from humor.
Jai Narayan
poster:Jai Narayan
thread:287090
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/289212.html