Posted by lepus on November 30, 2003, at 18:48:49
I posted this in grief too but then wasn't sure if that was the right place so I am reposting it here. Please forgive me if that is annoying.
o it looks like I am dealing with the loss of my new found independence already. I had finally been stable for about a year and was living on my own and working (I am 29) and now it looks like all that is over. I have been dealing with mental illness since I was 11 so it has been a long road.
Now depression and anxiety are losing me my job and my apartment so I will have to move back home. I guess my question is how to deal with lost dreams? I am extremely intelligent, have been accepted to top universities in the past yet never able to graduate. How do I mourn the fact that I probably will never get a college degree and work at a real job? How do I mourn the loss of my independence again (I have thought I was free many times only to end up having to come back home)? How do I mourn the loss of the life that could have been? I doubt I will ever date again and that hurts me. I am attractive and can be funny but I am nutcase. I am just out of a relationship with someone I lived with and I never dreamed it would be my last. Yeah, maybe it won't be but things are not looking good right now. So how do we mourn our losses and come to grips with what is the reality now? Sometimes I don't know if I am just weak or really ill. If I were really ill would I mourn the loss of these things so greatly? I have been on so many medications and I just don't want to go that route again and don't even know if I have the strength anymore. I don't feel like anything is going to help me anymore.I have nothing in my life and could use hope. Please for those who have found themselves in similar situations tell me how you mourn the losses or give me hope that maybe I am mourning prematurely...
poster:lepus
thread:285316
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031124/msgs/285316.html