Posted by kara lynne on October 22, 2003, at 2:27:58
In reply to Re: Sensitive material, posted by octopusprime on October 22, 2003, at 0:33:05
Hi octopus,
Nice to hear from you! Someone I haven't alienated! (yet, anyway...) Thank you so much for your reply; I like your default position much better than mine.I realized tonight that I do in fact, need a modicum of consistency in a relationship in order for there to be trust. She made it sound like my expectations were out of line--I would be very disappointed if that were so. She wanted to bail and that's ok. What I don't think is ok is that she stepped over the bounds, into an unsolicited analysis and judgement of my behavior patterns. I think it was veiled as 'her perception' of my behavior--therefore making it an 'I' statement. But it was really a 'you' statement thinly disguised as an 'I'.
I guess she thought it was too demanding of me to want to know why she hadn't responded. To have a personal reaction to it yielded a warning, and to have a response to the warning warranted complete rejection.
Are my expectations too high for anyone to fulfill? That's what my ex would certainly have you believe. My brother would say the same. On the other hand a woman at work won't be my friend because I didn't return a call to her six years ago.
So this person's 'case' could be made about me. Maybe she is surrounded by many loving people, while I precariously balance the few friends I have. Maybe my ideas about staying connected are distorted, and don't exist in reality. Maybe I need too much. There's another one! And yet asking why I hadn't heard from her didn't seem like too much...seemed like a good idea at the time.
Another one bites the dust.
Back in the boom boom room.
poster:kara lynne
thread:271649
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/271734.html