Posted by kara lynne on September 17, 2003, at 1:57:27
In reply to my story (long long long) - kara lynne, posted by octopusprime on September 17, 2003, at 0:47:19
Wow. And may I say, Wow. I have so much I want to say, but I'm pretty tired so I may have to say a lot of it later.
First of all I want to thank you for sharing such a gutwrenching courageous story. Next I want to say that I really hope by now you have been able to forgive yourself. You and he were both on drugs and drink, and living through the distortion of major depression. You have chosen the path of recovery and that is the very best you can do. I'm not sure if you have made a direct amends to him or if that's what you want to do, but you have to make one to yourself (big talker, me, right?!). You don't ever have to go back to that place, and you are doing everything in your power to ensure that you won't.
I have heard a couple of people say now that they're afraid they won't see people getting better on these boards. I don't really know what to say about that--except that maybe in the process of expressing our not-betterness it is still better than not better at all. It tends to be harder for me to go out in the world where 'not better' has to be denied for the most part, or you're expected to (like I think Gabbi said) just wander off into the sunset like a happy little Zoloft bubble on the commercial after a few therapy sessions.
I have such respect that you can go through what you did with your ex and still live to talk about it. That might have made anyone react violently; I think you were tested to the limit. It would have triggered my abandonment into hyperspace. Far better than still live--you handled yourself with more dignity than I could ever imagine. You illustrate exactly how I might respond in my situation--if I were healthy. I'm not sure, there are a few differences in our situation, but in many ways the song remains the same.
Those sick enmeshed relationships with friends can be so muddled up, and so hard to extricate yourself from. I have had some doozies, and not until years later become aware of how sick it really was.
I want to be on the other side too, octo. Last night I felt positively taken over by my naughty little brain (and a few hormones too, I fear). I am so glad you shared your story. Now I see your true strength.
P.S. I wonder what town you're in--what city, state, country...if it's anywhere near mine...
poster:kara lynne
thread:260888
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/260899.html