Posted by Temmie on September 8, 2003, at 17:05:18
In reply to On the Mind of the Addict, posted by Temmie on September 8, 2003, at 16:08:49
I meant to note, that Paul’s existence from a “home with phone and computer, etc.,” to being right in my neighborhood, has eroded to his living 1l00 miles away again, to being unemployed for way too long, with a career-ending conviction, and his living out of a tent, or cheap hotel/motels in questionable neighborhoods with break-ins and robberies, the loss of (not one, but two) bicycles, etc. etc., phone calls that are less than sporadic, and then -- while “speaking” of Paul, he called as I was finishing the entry above -- so I’m not sure I ended things very eloquently .... If there is such a thing as an eloquent end to the impossible situation I’ve described.
I guess I said it well enough, but I’m still wondering what happened to the peace-loving, t’ai chi teaching, health-care professional I used to know and love, and if this “manifestation” of Paul’s nature/spirit/soul will ever make an appearance again .... If jail time will bring it out, or bury it more ... and what all this means.
Believe me, if I could find someone -- anyone -- who might be the least bit enticing, I’d take the bait; but I’ve looked, and guess I’ve decided in the end, one “can’t hurry love,” and can’t manufacture attraction where no chemistry exists ....
In the end, I’ll be alright going back to just being “me by myself” again, which is -- as it turns out -- what I’ve been doing anyhow. It’s just that things with Paul were so sweet for awhile ... and I can’t quite understand how I got sucked into something so unhealthy with one who always impressed me as being good, and wholesome, and worth getting to know at a deeper level of meaning. And, it's weird. Of all the men I've known, I always felt so safe in his arms.
Strange.
Such a strange, sad story.
T.
poster:Temmie
thread:258126
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/258135.html