Posted by Penny on September 2, 2003, at 12:24:42
In reply to Re: So, why is it... » Penny, posted by Dinah on September 2, 2003, at 11:57:58
I understand what you're saying, but when I have tried in the past to convey to her that I certainly don't expect her to go out of her way to be there for me and that I don't want to share everything that's going on with me - every breakthrough in therapy, every med change, etc. - no matter how tactfully and lovingly I try to put it, she gets offended and resentful.
At the same time, she doesn't share everything with me either, and I am VERY okay with that! She is a type 2 diabetic, she doesn't take her meds the way she should, she is overweight and weight loss would help with her disease, etc., but, ya' know what? It's none of my business. She is a grown woman and I have to trust that she can take care of herself even if I disagree with the way she is doing it.
Perhaps I am not coming across as tactful and caring as I have tried to be - but now, after saying it over and over again, I am just plain tired of having to repeat myself. I feel like she has selective hearing and selective memory. And, even when I try to put myself in her shoes, when I try to see things and hear things from her perspective, I find it extremely hard. It's much easier when I'm not so directly involved, as I would be if I were a third party and impartial, but from where I'm standing, I just don't understand how she can take my not telling her every little thing that is going on with me and not telling her every time I feel bad as a rejection.
Plus, she's not my spouse or parent. My therapist describes the arguments we get into as 'lover's quarrels' because of all the drama involved. I'm really trying to step back from it all and distance myself, just for my own sanity. But it is so hard, especially when I have to live with her. I really feel trapped and smothered. I wish I was able to handle this whole situation in a more mature and effective manner, but I just seem to be sucked in by the emotion of it all, and, as I have said, always come away feeling like I am at fault for every issue between us.
I will be so thankful if the apartment complex I'm living in is able to work something out with me. I just really need my own space right now, and I don't have it.
P
poster:Penny
thread:256313
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/256332.html