Posted by yesac on August 8, 2003, at 17:15:56
Oh you guys... why does it have to be like this? I haven't been doing too well this past week, well, longer actually. Not horrible horrible in that at least I haven't been really thinking about suicide at all, but that is more because, at least at this time - well, I don't know really. I just feel like I don't want to right now. But I have felt so very sad, depressed, frustrated with my life and the routine it's fallen into, feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything and I'm just wasting all this time doing nothing. Sad Sad Sad. Every single day about 2-3 hours before I leave work, I start to feel this sense of despair, dread, and doom. Every day! But now it's the weekend which makes it even worse. I've never really felt like this before in regard to weekends, evenings. Maybe because I was more busy and stressed so time off was nice. I don't know.
Now I only have like 20 minutes before I leave. It's already 6:10... I've taken to staying as late as I can, and I get the last bus to the park and ride where I park.
Well, I guess on the upside I got paid today which is really good because I really need money. Of course, most of the money I got will be used up soon to pay bills and stuff, but at least it won't be so depressing to see such a low balance in my checking account for a little while.
I wish I could just relax and enjoy the weekends, do nice relaxing fun things, etc etc. But I can't. I enjoy almost nothing. I'm so bored, but yet antsy from sitting around. Everything I do is like a time-filler. Oh, this is depressing me even more just to write about this. I think I need to stop.
poster:yesac
thread:249404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/249404.html