Posted by kara lynne on July 24, 2003, at 13:38:46
In reply to Re: I failed half of my test! » kara lynne, posted by Tabitha on July 24, 2003, at 11:05:27
This Doxepin makes me a zombie. But I keep waking up and realizing I failed and then falling back asleep. I just went to make coffee and broke two beautiful dishes someone made for me--accidentally--because I'm so groggy. One was a little ceramic dish with a monkey in a kung fu outfit with his hands in prayer. It was my favorite dish. I used it feed my cat.
I can take the test over. They are actually restructuring that part of the exam because people have had so much trouble with the format. I feel I could have passed if I'd had more time and it wasn't such a confusing style of testing.
But my confidence is still shot. I am taking it as a sign that I'm no good at this, and not meant to do it. I did pass the hardest licensing exam already; I took this one in large part because of my ex--because it would allow me to practice out of state (in a few more areas, anyway). But I'm having the hardest time with this--it's the first time I've ever followed through with anything in my life. I am stuck in limbo-- I've just finished all this schooling and I'm afraid to go forward with it. I have a serious imposter syndrome--I truly believe I went through 5 years of school and fooled everyone, that I don't know a thing. And this confirms it.
Other people fail and move on. I know people who failed the other test and are still planning their practices. Some people were taking the comprehensive exam 4 and 5 times in school and still found it reasonable to get up in the morning. A few can't graduate because of it. I would go so far as to say they were even happy--maybe not about taking the exam, but in their lives. They don't view it in the same way; they just don't attach that devastating significance.
I had to consider there might be a God, because I wouldn't have been able to go through that and finish school. And now...?
I can take the test again in a few months, if I can get myself to look at the form and decide to send it in. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Sorry for self-indulgent punishing vortex-- someone please show the rat another path in the maze...
Meanwhile I don't look forward to telling people. I will have to tell my father, he paid for it. And my ex! He's been asking whether or not I passed. I was reading something about abusive relationships--how you get worn down and collapsed, and then punished for your failure.
A couple of new-ish friends know I took the test. That's difficult, because one woman is sort of trying to promote me and I'm really embarrassed to tell her this now. It doesn't look good--I wouldn't want to go to someone who failed.
I think I'm over the Doxepin. My two day marathon trial.
F**k. FAIL.
poster:kara lynne
thread:244753
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030719/msgs/244894.html