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Re: Gee, come on over... » whiterabbit

Posted by yesac on July 21, 2003, at 13:05:54

In reply to Gee, come on over..., posted by whiterabbit on July 18, 2003, at 20:10:16

Hi Gracie -

(First of all, I'd like to say that I really like your name. If only I wanted to have kids, I might name my daughter that!)

You know, it's weird because I definitely do feel like I need my "alone time" to regroup and relax, and being around other people a lot sometimes stresses me out. But it's hard to be alone, too.
>
> Here's something you can do, if you don't mind me being so forward...let's figure out what's going on in your head, girl! All of your feelings are familiar to me, they are symptoms of depression and I can relate to every single sentence. Like Gabby said, the agitation and restlessness is part of the depression, and if you can get the depression under control, the rest of it starts falling into place.

I don't mind your forwardness. You are absolutely right, I've realized. I think that NOTHING is going to help me much if I can't get some medication going that really helps me. I think that I was more okay (not less depressed really, but fewer of the other problems like the agitation and the inabilty to concentrate and motivation) earlier in my life even without medication - like in college, because I really was a lot more busy and active, had stuff to get done, was less alone. But now all of these other symptoms seem to have taken over my life and it's practically UNBEARABLE!! I just can't really focus on anything, I'm so bored and miserable all the time, I don't want to do anything, but have a hard time doing nothing.
>
> I'd be interested to know the details of your medication trials - what medication you've tried, what dosage you were taking, how long you stayed on each medication, the side effects and any benefit you may have noticed, and why you stopped taking each drug.

Well, first off, except for one, I've stopped taking each drug because they simply didn't work. They did nothing for me. I went up to the highest dose on all of the regular antidepressants, and was on them for usually several months. These include: Wellbutrin, Effexor, Celexa, Paxil, Risperdal, Ativan (I just didn't like that one), desipramine (didn't like side effects so I went off of it). Now I've been on Lamictal for about 2.5 months, which seemed to be helping for a while, but I'm not so sure now. And I've been on Parnate for about 5 or 6 weeks - not noticing anything positive from that yet.

> When you are able to offer help to someone who needs and accepts it, that "empty space" in your life begins to fill up.

I do actually want to become a social worker (therapist). I hope that I can do it! There really is almost nothing else that appeals to me for a career because I know that I need to do something that helps people.

> It's true. So, Casey, let's get you out of there.

Yeah... I'm crossing my fingers, waiting, struggling through each moment, hoping beyond hope that I will find something (SOON!) that works for me medication-wise. It is so hard to try all these different things, be patient about it, not feel entirely discouraged and often hopeless like nothing is ever going to work for me and no one can help me. But so far I have managed to just keep holding on...


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poster:yesac thread:243271
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