Posted by whiterabbit on July 17, 2003, at 19:05:02
In reply to Re: sometimes..., posted by fallsfall on July 17, 2003, at 17:50:44
It's a sad fact that people are often remembered for the way they died instead of the way they lived. This happened to me when my brother was killed in a military aircrash - a major plane crash, 250 soldiers killed - that was vaguely attributed to "ice on the wings" by our government.
This aircrash haunted me. I was very close to my brother, who had joined the Army because I did. I had nightmares about this plane falling from the sky, about the screaming...although I had been a frequent air traveler during my Army career, it was 10 years before I could force myself to board another plane, and I cried while the plane took off - I was terrified, sick with terror. I've never been able to think of him without thinking about his death; the last time I saw him, tall and strong, blond and tan - and the way he came home, incinerated pieces of small bones and teeth, probably not all of them his.
On Christmas I brought roses to the memorial where his ashes are kept in a small glass case in the wall. I was so afraid of losing control, maybe fainting or wailing out loud in this quiet place. I sat on a bench and stared at the urn, and all of a sudden I got very calm...because I knew, I KNEW for certain...that Shayne was not there. It was almost like someone had whispered it to me: "He's not here."
And I thought, "What? Those aren't his ashes in that urn?" But that's not what the whisper meant.
Prehaps they are his ashes, or prehaps not, and it didn't matter either way. Once the spirit leaves the body, that body is no more "the person" who inhabited it, any more than a snakeskin is still the snake that shed the skin.I like to think that the spirits of those soldiers never fell from the sky at all. Who is to say that it can't be true? And I try not to think of his death, but his life. It wasn't an easy life nor was it always lived well, we are certainly alike in that way. But he had a generous heart, and my life has been richer for the bond we shared.
That we share. I love you, Shayne.
-Your big sister
poster:whiterabbit
thread:242903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030713/msgs/242986.html