Posted by fallsfall on July 4, 2003, at 17:22:58
In reply to spiraling downward, posted by yesac on July 4, 2003, at 14:20:03
> I was right a few days ago. Things are just getting worse and worse. I'm on vacation now, I'm at home with my family and best friend, but I feel pretty terrible. I feel lethargic (although that might have something to do with the heat), I don't want to do ANYTHING, but I hate sitting around and feeling like I'm not doing anything.
Not wanting to do anything, but knowing that you should both, want to, and be doing something, is awful. Sometimes I find something that I really like (coloring, watching a movie, sitting on the couch with a dog in my lap, taking a nap, reading Psycho-Babble etc.) Maybe I can convince myself to do that - then at least I'm doing something.
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> Why is it all so hard?Boy when you find the answer to that question, PLEASE tell me
>
> I keep thinking I should just kill myself - nothing's ever going to change. It's just one thing after another, so many problems that I can't overcome.I understand the feeling. But reality is that things usually DO change (maybe not the way we want them to, but life doesn't stay the same forever). And I'm sure that you are learning skills that will help you cope (I can't believe I typed that... But when I look back at the last 10 years, I really do cope better than I did). The last time I was really suicidal I decided that I would have to postpone my demise until my daughter graduated from high school (3 years). It was very bad then, but within a month things were changing. So it worked for me to say that I could still have my plan, but I had to wait to execute it.
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> It's the 4th. Supposed to be having a f**cking great time, but I'm not at all. Except for going for a ride in my dad's antique Jeep earlier today. That was pretty fun, I have to admit. I'm going to the fireworks later. HOpefully that will be okay and not too depressing to see all the happy people and wonder as always why I can't have that.There is NOWHERE it is written that everyone will have fun on every holiday. This just isn't your year for the 4th of July. But you are doing a couple of fun things (jeep, fireworks). Enjoy them for what they are. Maybe you will feel great on July 25, while that person smiling today will be miserable.
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> Sorry I don't have time to respond to more of you all's stuff.
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> I know I'll probably be totally totally depressed next week when I have to go back to my "real life", though of course, I can never really escape it.Real life is a challange, isn't it?
My universal solution: Eat Ice Cream
poster:fallsfall
thread:239249
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239277.html