Posted by Tabitha on June 24, 2003, at 1:47:17
Please let me whine, I do it instead of calling HIM...
I don't have the right kind of friends-- all mine are the kind where if I call them, they're not home, and they call back in a week, or a month, and if I tell them my problems once I feel like it's my quota for problems for the year. Not such a good system when one is feeling-- under the weather.
the irony, I just lost the boyfriend because he was too needy for me-- now I'm needy, and it's tempting to call HIM, because he loves to comfort me when I'm needy, because then he can throw it at me later-- see how I was there for you, now you have to be there for me, though his needy times come all the time, oftener and oftener, til they crowd out the happy times.
the last time I wanted to break up -- he actually fought for me, actually changed my mind, this time he thinks I'm going to break up, though it's not on my mind, so he dumps me to prevent it. I suppose he reads my heart, not my mind. It's true, my heart went cold from being told so many times-- I don't love enough, I don't give enough. I saw the future, stretching out, this litany repeated how many more times? the energy and anger driving it, not my doing. Nothing to do with me. I just get to be in its way. Who is it that doesn't love enough? Whoever it is, I refuse to wear its face.
I admit, I'm not the right partner for someone who needs frequent emotional nursing. I like for there to be more good times than bad. I want my partner to be OK most of the time. If I play nursemaid/therapist too much, the attraction goes -poof!-. I can't do it.
poster:Tabitha
thread:236564
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030617/msgs/236564.html