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Out of sight, in your mind. » leeran

Posted by Eddie Sylvano on April 29, 2003, at 9:18:28

In reply to What are you depressed about? Arggggh, posted by leeran on April 29, 2003, at 1:41:18

> "What are you depressed about?" is the equivalent of "snap out of it" for me. If I could "snap out of it" I would be thrilled. I don't enjoy going to bed thinking "will I have to be medicated for the rest of my life in order to feel somewhat 'normal?'" or waking up feeling like there's a brick of despair resting on my forehead.
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Even with people who claim to understand, the immediate suspicion is that it's just a fabrication of your mind. You must feel the same way they do, you're just dwelling on the negative, or self-absorbed, or overreacting. I'm convinced that without experiencing such illness, people can only understand "feelings" from their point of view. Depression in particular doesn't fall entirely outside of the range of normal experience, so when you describe the issues to them, they're thinking, "Yeah, so? I've been sad. Last year when my dog died, but I got over it." What's worse is trying to decribe the sporadic derealization or lack of reward that keeps me from behaving "normally." People think that I'm doing it to myself, or that it's just a fabrication. It sounds like too simple of a defense, as if you're begging off the difficulty of your life to something "not your fault," and people hate that. The worst is that it comes and goes, and people figure that it must be 100% or nothing. If I have a good day, it's proof that I'm just being silly on the bad ones.
I've been really frustrated about this topic lately. I feel powerless, and like the only way for me to get along is to not involve other people in my life, because it just becomes a problem when things don't go well for me. I just can't get people past this point, and I'm not sure it's possible.
anyway, that's my rant. I'm glad to hear that the dentist wasn't that bad. I need to go too, but am dreading it (so expensive, and so unpleasant).


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