Posted by leeran on May 1, 2003, at 1:35:38
In reply to Re: What are you depressed about? Arggggh, posted by maryhelen on April 30, 2003, at 6:11:31
"I just wanted to say, and we can recognize it on this site, that mental illness does not take everything away." - Maryhelen
Maryhelen,
I agree. My lowest lows always make me aware of some change that's needed. For me, it's like falling asleep on my arm and realizing it's dead weight until I shake it around a bit. There's this annoying pain before the feeling comes back - then relief that I have my arm back.
For that reason I refuse to believe that mental illness has robbed me blind. As long as I'm still able to recognize myself in the mirror, "it" doesn't win - and fighting it must make me stronger, after all, it takes such effort.
There are so many creative people on this board. Isn't it amazing to think that this board is just a tiny microcosm of a much larger group of individuals who are out there every single day, doing the same thing we are, trying to make some sense of it all.
And there are so many "famous" people who have battled mental illness (I just had to do a search and there were more than what came to mind immediately): Abraham Lincoln, Vincent Van Gogh, Ludwig Von Beethoven, Winston Churchill, Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald, Virgina Woolf, John Keats, Tchaikovsky, et. al.
Plus, here's another link:
http://www.frii.com/~parrot/living.html
I'm not meaning to imply that "famous people" validate mental illness more than anyone else does. For me, it's just more proof that mental illness doesn't have to be a dead end street where I sit alone on the curb.
I'm glad you shared your experiences. I can relate to the fact that incidents beyond our control (in your case, your daughter's situation with her husband) can set the wheel in motion.
My closest family consists of my son, parents and husband. When one of them is upset and/or hurting it becomes the backdrop for everything else. That desire to "fix things" in situations where I don't have any control leaves me feeling helpless, especially in situations concerning my son.
Once I know about it (whatever "it" is) my brain goes "on nag" until there's a resolution, yet so many situations are simply unresolvable. So, my brain just stays "on nag" while I stand by and watch it unfold. The feeling reminds me of one of those dreams where I'm trying to scream but the sound won't come out. The desire to scream expends so much energy, but it's useless energy. I should learn from my dreams. There's probably a lesson in there somewhere.
I want to comment about the eight other teachers you know who are on antidepressants. Thank goodness for the positive support you've had from all of your peers! We'd probably all be surprised if we slapped out our prescriptions on the communal table.
Maryhelen, you said "If I ever get better, I know I will be a better person for it."
I've read your post three times and I've learned so much from your honesty. I can't imagine how you could be any better than what comes through in your post. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your experiences.
Lee
poster:leeran
thread:223074
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/223586.html