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Worrygirl . . . I'm back » WorryGirl

Posted by leeran on April 29, 2003, at 2:48:52

In reply to Good night to you, too (nm) » leeran, posted by WorryGirl on April 29, 2003, at 2:09:11

I was just washing this stubborn charcoal mask off my face (trying to be quiet since I'm the nightowl in the family) and thinking about the subject of small talk. The water on my face woke me back up.

I've always been lousy at small talk, despite the fact that I've been in sales for twenty years (cruel irony - I went into advertising for the creative and was seduced by the money on the sales end).

I dread parties or any type of social situation where I have to mingle around, hold a drink and an hors d'oeuvre, AND talk at the same time. Given the choice between a Christmas party and an enema I think I would choose the latter.

Back in high school I was certain my mingling abilty would improve with adulthood. It didn't.
I suppose the "gift of gab" never made it under my Christmas tree.

There are some people I feel a real connection with and I can open up to them completely and some people have described me as a warm person, but I don't feel like that in the least. I usually feel self-conscious and bumbling.

One of the many ways I knew I was never going to be a professional small talker was when my son hit kindergarten. It was like high school all over again. Many of the other mothers seemed to know each other from living in the area, or they were just better at mixing in. There was a divorced dad that I always identified with and he was the easiest person to talk to, plus, our sons had been friends since they were three years old and in day care.

One day he told me that he heard through the parochial school grapevine that the other mothers wondered if he and I were having an affair (we weren't and it was never even a remote possibility). That always struck me funny considering I was to shy too approach their group, let alone make a play for this fellow who was simply in a similar boat as I was in.

Hey, remember when you answered about bulemia? I forgot to say thanks for your input on the weight loss, exercise perspective etc. I read the post, then failed to respond. Sometimes I don't like to reply on every thread because I get so tired of seeing my screen name over and over again . . .

My medication combination seems to be kicking in the last few days so I don't feel this need to respond to everything. Plus, my son is home from spring break with his dad so I don't feel quite as listless.

Are your girls still little? I have the impression they are. The day my son turned fifteen I felt such a sense of dread. It's all related to driving (him driving). How is it that this person whose little unborn heel used to dig against my upper ribs from the womb could actually be eligible for a driver's permit??? I just thought about it - I know we've talked about the bulemia. That said, did you have morning sickness with pregnancy?

Oh yeah, regarding dental bridges. I have a six-unit bridge thanks to a college bike accident. The dentist I went to today is an implant specialist as well as endodontist, etc. I would love to have implants to replace two of the teeth - but the cost is astronomical.

I'm assuming the stomach acids do a number on the teeth? I used to be more of a laxative/diet pill taker because, as you might remember, vomiting is another one of my phobias. Adderall is the first thing that's helped my weight since my mid-thirties - and it's still like watching an iceberg melt.

Perhaps in my next life I will be a pencil thin small talker with an overabundance of serotonin and the attention span of a fly versus a gnat!

In closing, I enjoy your posts and your name as well (I can always identify when I see those two words together!). And I, too, feel dumb, boring, invisible, fake, weird (and all) most of the time just about anywhere - not just here. It would be nice to just feel at home in my own skin . . . sometimes I do - but it's in the confines of home.

Have a good week, Worrygirl.


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poster:leeran thread:222858
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/223088.html