Posted by WorryGirl on April 29, 2003, at 1:20:18
In reply to Re: Please disregard that stupid post » WorryGirl, posted by leeran on April 28, 2003, at 10:12:30
> WorryGirl,
>
> I call it PMS (Poor Me Syndrome) and I "suffer" from it day to day, moment to moment (and I'm in premenopause/menopause - lol!).
>
I like that definition of PMS better. Maybe my husband would prefer it to the other, too. That premenopause state can be frustrating; maybe you can let me know what I have to look forward to (lol). I often wonder if, in my late 30s, I'm not in some kind of early premenopausal state. My hormone balance seems to be different than it was before I had children. The difference is definitely for the worse. I've been taking a BCP that I hoped would help but I have only noticed minimal improvement, which is still better than nothing.> I think it's because I base my self-image on what others think of me, or worse, how I PERCEIVE what others think of me.
>
You have just hit on one of my major stumbling blocks. How I got to be such a supposed expert at how others perceive me is beyond me! (chuckle) Sometimes I think I read entirely too much into a "look" or "tone of voice". I know that often I am correct in my assumptions, but it gets trickier when I make these assumptions with strangers or people who are barely acquaintances.> All this was at an all time high during my first divorce, wondering/worrying what people thought of me. One day, during one of my most paranoid moments, it occurred to me how I handled "gossip" or news of such events when I heard it in passing: I think about it for a few moments (unless it's happening to someone close to me), then I move on within minutes (in part, because I'm a self-centered human being).
>I think that the way you handle gossip is how most people do, but I believe that there are women (and a few men, too) out there who thrive on it, and there are usually just enough of them to keep it going, and to draw in the usually innocent bystanders. Even if the gossip is usually forgotten by everyone else, if those one or two gossip-mongers feel that they have hit a sore spot they won't let it go.
About your divorce, people do love to speculate, but they probably really didn't care all that much about it at the time, which, as you said, you now realize. It is still hard to feel susceptible to the gossip at such a vulnerable time in your life. I've been gossiped about because of my breast size (are they real? did I used to be a stripper? yet no one would come right out and ask me), about a very positive (not sexual) relationship with my boss, who almost everyone else didn't seem to care for; I could go on, but I won't bore you any more. Thank God my office days are over for the time being. Maybe by the time I get back I'll be so old and gray no one will care anymore!
>
> That thought helps "in theory" but I still get wrapped up in it without any warning.
>
> If it helps, I know how you feel and I think everyone else does, too.
>
> Here's to a worry free Monday (and week).I'm definitely having insomnia tonight, so I'm hoping tomorrow (I mean today) will be better.
Take care.
poster:WorryGirl
thread:222858
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/223071.html