Posted by paxvox on April 25, 2003, at 16:22:39
In reply to Re: hidden pax, posted by justyourlaugh on April 24, 2003, at 22:19:42
JYL,
Thanks for the post. I know that must have been difficult for you to write. At least you are responsible enough to REALIZE you need some help. I know my wife would never intend to EVER intentionally hurt my daugter. She has been (more so in the past with our older daughter, now 20) totally self-sacrificial when it comes to doing things for her kids. It's just that over the past year, her ability to "bounce back" to "normality" has been lost. She continues to fall deeper into her own world, and she won't let us (more so me) into it. You didn't mention it, but does your husband or any other family member go to counseling with you? Do you LET them help support you? This is the main issue I have with my wife. I know she cannot totally control her actions or her feelings, but she CAN control letting others help her (or not). Why won't she let me help? I know that I can't "fix" her myself, but I am VERY willing to do my part to help HER fix herself. I have demonstrated extreme tolerance to the point of almost totally giving up anything that would exacerbate her negative moods. I think it is like an alcoholic or a drug addict. She knows she has a problem, but has not come to the point where she realizes she NEEDS someone's help to get out of her hole. Sure, she may WANT to change, but is NOT willing to do what is necessary to affect change. Therein lies my frustration, my angst my deeply-rooted heart-wrenching pain. I don't WANT to kick her out, I don't WANT her to have to be hospitalized, I don't WANT my daughter to be w/o her mother (or me w/o my wife). But in effect, she already HAS removed herself from us by going off into her own little world of reality. Perhaps in a life out of control, this is the ONE thing that she ironically still has control over.
PAX
poster:paxvox
thread:221860
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030421/msgs/222384.html