Posted by kara lynne on March 20, 2003, at 20:59:06
In reply to Re: kara lynne, posted by paxvox on March 20, 2003, at 19:48:53
It was so nice to come home and find your posts. It made me cry, but in a better way. I guess I'm just a wreck right now. It's also my birthday, and I just don't want it to be. Sienna, you're so sweet and kind. I wish I could talk to my friend, I miss talking to her so much. But she can be really stubborn and won't even acknowledge that there's a problem. (Hmm, I'm noticing a pattern.) I'm not sure if I can take these little punishing sessions any longer, they're too painful. My therapist says it's because I finished school, yadda yadda and she never did, but I'm not so sure. I sure don't feel like my life is any prize. She's always been there for me, literally, from the day I was born. She was the one sane voice when I was growing up and a refuge from my family (She worked for my dad) I could talk to her about anything, and I think she's one of the reasons I survived my childhood. She went with me while I had to sit through my licensing exam after being in school for so long. I'm so sorry, I hate to be cryptic about this school thing. I wish I felt comfortable saying what it is I went to school for, but I'm so nervous about anonymity. I wish I weren't. I'd much rather talk about it. It doesn't really matter anyway; I don't feel like it's such a great accomplishment, and I don't really identify myself by it. I just had to do something with my life, to show myself I could at least do one thing with my life. Anyway, I passed, and that was it for our friendship. From 2 hour daily phone conversations to absolutely nothing in over a month. It just eats me away. And I've been too depressed to do anything about getting a job (other than the part time office work I'm doing now).
noa don't worry. I will not be angry and defend my boyfriend later! He really does not know whereof he speaks, but that's no excuse. I just don't get it. I just don't understand how you walk past a fellow suffering mammal without noticing or at least making an attempt. I know he does care about me, but it gets to the point where that just doesn't matter at all if he can't demonstrate it. The old tree falling in the forest thing. And then to stoop to calling me psychotic after egging me on for a response-- I can't win. I couldn't make it clear how sick I was to him, and when I get upset about it I'm crazy. I hope I can wake up one day and not wish I had someone else's life. This nasty virus has made it all worse, that's for sure. I came home and ate almost a real serving of chicken and it's staying down, so that's good news. You have all helped me not to feel so lonely and that's really good news. And I am going to try like hell not to watch any more bad news tonight on television. Thank you so much. And Gabbix, please keep praying for all the creatures with me!
poster:kara lynne
thread:210946
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030316/msgs/211030.html