Posted by bozeman on March 14, 2003, at 0:16:45
In reply to Thinking of you » sienna, posted by Kar on March 12, 2003, at 22:37:31
Many good, kind, accurate words spoken here by others who care about you. Agree with all of it.
(please tell me if this sounds familiar)
I have spent my entire life walking around feeling like a phony, like I was "pretending" to be grown up and capable, while inside I was screaming or curled up into a ball. Like every minute of every day, I was driven to prove myself, to "earn" the air I breathed, that I was capable of doing a good thing, capable of earning my "keep" so to speak. Prove myself to WHO, I can't tell you, but I remember the feeling as early as two years old, so basically I have been that way my entire life.The last few days is the first time I have EVER not felt that "sword" hanging over me, of needing to prove my worth in order to be worthy of anything. And guess what, it was biochemical!!! Not real and objective, but a biochemical imbalance! I needed lithium, and who would have guessed? Never, ever to my knowledge have I been diagnosed as anything remotely approaching bipolar. Maybe lithium works for other things too (mood stabilizer, maybe? nerve tissue regenerator, definitely) but I didn't know it.
My point is, your feelings are VERY real, but don't accept them as a judgement of who you ARE. They are just feelings, and yes, I know how silly that might sound to say *just* feelings. I'm saying they don't define you, even though you experience them to the core of your being.
Your feelings are not literal accurate judgements of you and your life, they are just a constantly moving pool of emotions. Period. I pray that you can find a way to be more at peace with the constantly moving flow of them so you don't experience such a downer with them.
Hope that made sense. Peace and hugs,
bozeman
poster:bozeman
thread:208139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030308/msgs/208920.html