Posted by trouble on February 10, 2003, at 1:52:39
hey y'all,
I hope everyone's well, I haven't looked at any threads in a while, will catch up tonight. I haven't updated my website in 2 months, but am not feeling guilty, that's one of the benefits of self-publishing, no deadlines, you write what you want when you want. Still, I'd rather lose myself in troublewaits than have to deal with what's in front of me these days. You know I was one day away from my flight to Vancouver to be with my boyfriend/webaster for the first time in 4 months, then comes a flood of female problems, it's called DUB, Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding, and you know what that means, pap smears, stirrups, wide open humiliation, memories, loneliness, disempowerement, possible cancer, definite PTSD, hahaha. Of all the illnesses god could give me it has to be gynecological, this sucks, cruel joke, what a prick, I'd rather have leukemia, lung cancer and Alzheimer's, I'd rather have rabies and spend the rest of my life in prison. Anyway, I get a biopsy in a few hours, am gonna stay up all night, read PSB archives, listen to Tom Waits, Billy Childish, and Marianne Faithful, drink brandy and try not to eat 20 dollars worth of junk food. I've gained 30 pounds in the last 2 months, Doritos around the clock,I should be passed all this, but am basically 14 years old again preparing for my first pap smear, which was involuntary VD test, result of insane bitch mother's insane sexual projections on pubescent, overweight budding alkie teenage virgin daughter. We never get completely over it, we shouldn't get over it, just try to find a place to put the memories, old friend dissociation comes back, drains mind and body, then work its way out via salty tears. I'm getting support too, and feelin better already, I walk up to people and demand they fricken help me, that's what they get for trying to turn away, as if they don't comprehend first hand more or less what I am babbling about. Suffering has its sweet side too.
love, trouble
poster:trouble
thread:36757
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030208/msgs/36757.html