Posted by tina on February 7, 2003, at 9:26:37
In reply to Re: Anyone with panic and anxiety disorders........... » tina, posted by Mikey_C on February 6, 2003, at 15:43:14
Oh lord. I am really sensitive to ssri's already so I think I'm just not going to take the Effexor. I haven't filled the prescription yet so maybe I just won't and stay med-free for now. I do take a benzo but even that is starting to not work. My anxiety is constant and continuous. I'm never relaxed. I don't even think I know how anymore. My neck and back muscles are always aching and my stomach is torn apart by clenching and acid and my bowels are always out of control. I live on anti-nauseants and imodium and clonazepam.
The part that really gets to me is watching life pass by. Year after year, decade after decade of not living, not experiencing all the things I want to do and knowing I can't do them. Some people will say do them anyway, push through the anxiety and do it anyway but I feel that those people who can say that, don't have the anxiety that i have been living with for nearly 14 years. Stepping out my front door is extremely difficult. The thought, the merest thought of attempting something new like taking a class or meeting new people sends me into a storm of diarrhea and dizziness.
There are so many things I want to do, I want to do and try everything but I KNOW in my heart that I'll never be able to. I feel imprisoned, trapped and watching life happen in front of me, in spite of me, is what puts me in the suicidal frame of mind. Why be here if I can't have a life and that's where the depression comes from. If I could just do some of the things I want, I think I would be fine, even maybe happy. But knowing I can't is a death sentence in itself.sorry, didn't mean this to be so morose. I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore but I wanted to explain why I'm so depressed eventhough depression isn't my real problem. The anxiety robbed me of any possibility of a life and that's the root of my depression. So, anti-depressants aren't worth it to me unless they get rid of the anxiety and so far, none have and now that the benzo is giving up on me, I have nowhere to turn and that's why I wish for death every night.
poster:tina
thread:36457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030201/msgs/36548.html