Posted by mair on December 30, 2002, at 14:52:16
I've been doing that end of the year "taking stock" and there are so many things that would be good fodder for New Years resolutions. There is of course the pledge to get more exercise and the vow to stop eating as mindlessly as I sometimes do. I could add to it a pledge to either stop therapy or start opening up more to my therapist. I've also considered that I'd be far better off if I found a way to be more productive at work - less time staring out the window. I need to be better about returning phone calls quickly and dealing with client matters much more expeditiously. I need to better compartmentalize stuff so my time at work is spent working in a more concentrated fashion - no personal phone calls, or errands or checking personal email and PSB while I'm at work. I generally need to get my life in order which includes stuff like getting the cars in on time for servicing, making sure I send in the car registration renewals and line up inspections, and remembering to set up dentist appts for my kids, for instance, and paying bills promptly so I don't get hit with late fees etc, or ordering plane tickets far enough in advance to get better discounts. There's also the matter of cutting way down on the use of my credit cards, and not buying clothes and other items that I don't really have to have for instance. I could easily move to the top of the list the need to be a better child to my ageing parents, and the need to keep up better with my friends.
I think I do an abysmal job of getting my kids to do stuff around the house, with the result being that I feel easily overwelmed by all I have to do - I need to know how to ask for and insist on help. Most of all, I need to better communicate with my husband - there's alot more I could do to be supportive of him and vice versa too. I have to stop wishing he were a mind reader.
This is just a partial list, but too big to tackle. To me its just the beginning of a long list of my deficiencies - all important enough ones to critically affect the way I view myself.
I hesitate to post this for the same reason that I sometimes hesitate to post anything - I know it will sound ridiculous - I know someone will want to tell me that these things are true of everyone and that I most of all need to be more forgiving of myself. I already know that. But I also really believe all of these things about myself and I can't imagine successfully tackling any one of these so where does that leave me now on the eve of new years eve?
I feel trapped by the person I am - with no way out without hurting the people I love most.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:34195
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021226/msgs/34195.html