Posted by shar on December 21, 2002, at 0:12:27
In reply to Re: I feel.....stop fretting, posted by tina on December 5, 2002, at 8:48:56
T,
I can relate so much to what you are saying and the position you take. I have journals with pages of very similar ideas. The bottom line, I think, is that we just don't know. We look up and see a bleak horizon, or we look into the abyss and feel the draw...but, there is that tiny, little bitty damned thing inside, some kind of spark that is hopeful (even tho it is very small). I always figure it'll be the spark that does me in, not the desolate horizon.But, you just never know. And, that goes for both sides of the equation. You don't know what you'll find if you go, and you don't know what could happen if you stay. Maybe nothing at all. But, there is that little spark that ever so quietly reminds us at the most inopportune moments that there may be something here after all.
I'm pretty sure that's why I'm still here. That damned spark. It won't go out, I've tried to put it out. And, I believe I hear it in your writings, and I KNOW I see it when you reach out to help others.
So, while it may be damnable, and a curse, and we may curse at it frequently because we feel bleak and desolate yet go on...it's possible there is a reason to stay. Personally, I think it is probable that there is a reason to stay.
I hope you'll stay. And, I would too miss you, my little devilish friend who teaches me bad Canadian words. 8-)
xoxo
Shar
> It's going to be ok. You'll never notice me gone. Thanks for the refresh of my post Dinah, if it helps others, great. See, the more I visit my friend's grave, the more I want to be where she is and that post reminded me of that. IsoM and Greg, you seem to think that I need to "fight and hold on" but why? There's nothing terribly sad about my death because there was nothing terribly contributing about my life. It's like a bug on the road. Do you think the driver of the car that squashes it even notices?
> My discovery has elated me beyond what I thought I was capable of. I am so happy about it. It's the perfect plan and I mean p-e-r-f-e-c-t. So, please don't give it another thought. I'm not depressed or suidical. I simply wish to end my corporeal existence and move on to a higher plane. It isn't sad, it's a happy time. I can finally be free and I can't wait.
> It's just....time, that's all.
>
poster:shar
thread:32964
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33716.html