Psycho-Babble Social | for general support | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: I feel.....stop fretting » tina

Posted by Racer on December 5, 2002, at 22:17:43

In reply to Re: I feel.....stop fretting, posted by tina on December 5, 2002, at 8:48:56

You know, I don't quite know how to write what I want to express. Since all those things that make the difference face to face don't work in print, please forgive me if it sounds as if I'm not taking anything you said seriously. I am taking it quite seriously.

What I'm about to write sounds harsh, and maybe I really do mean to sound that way, but I won't say it's for your own good. I hope it is, but can't say that anything in my brain actually qualifies. Besides, what could be more patronizing and insulting that telling someone what's right for him or her? Always pissed the hell out of me, eh?

> It's going to be ok. You'll never notice me gone.

{{deep breath}} How do you know? That's like someone saying, "This is for your own good" or "this will hurt me more than it hurts you." It is patronizing, and it is demeaning and it is too patently absurd to let stand.

Back when I was stuck in the horrible depression of a few years back, this board was one of the only things that kept me from jumping off. Isn't that one of the most pathetic things you've ever heard in your life? There was no real person in the real world that could help me hold on. The only thing that I could hang on to during that time was a lot of writing on a computer screen. Hell, maybe Dr Bob was just some psycho with a lot of imaginary patients he made up names and stories for! Maybe I was the only other real person who ever even saw the page. Pathetic? You bet your sweet aunt fanny! True? Yes, it is true.

Don't think that your absence wouldn't be noticed. Not in the sense of "the Lamb notices each crushed petal" but in the sense of "there are some people out there who consider you a vital part of their lifeline and you might just be healthier than they are."


> See, the more I visit my friend's grave, the more I want to be where she is .

What if your friend is nowhere? You don't say, "gee, I don't want to exist" you say, "I want to be where she is." That's still a positive: there is somewhere you want to be. The problem isn't that you want to be where your friend is, it's that you want your friend to be where you are. That's not an option.

Would your friend want you to be dead just because she moved to another country? Would your friend have killed you -- murdered you -- before she left?

She doesn't want you to follow her.

> IsoM and Greg, you seem to think that I need to "fight and hold on" but why?

How about looking at it this way: why are you so special that you don't have to stand in line at the supermarket, but can just walk out the door and have someone else do it for you?

Years ago, during an earlier depression, I said a lot of the same things you're saying, and my erstwhile best friend said it to me like that, made me look at the same issue from a much more trivial perspective, and it actually started my recovery from that episode. It's offered here in hopes that it might help you at some point in some way.

Life sucks in a lot of ways, big and small. Did I ever tell you about my 30th birthday, when I woke up with diarrhea and the toilet overflowed??? That was only the start of a day that was so bad I have to laugh about it now, but there was not one thing that didn't suck (unless you count that I'd have something to make a joke or a point about later in life.) There is no question that life sometimes feels so difficult that it's not worth the trouble. Key words in that sentence: FEELS DIFFICULT. Read the sentence again. Life feels difficult?

Try writing a similar sentence using the same words and concepts with a more trivial topic. "Feeding my cat felt too difficult last year, so I just didn't do it." "It felt a little difficult to go to collect my Nobel prize, so I just skipped it." "It felt too difficult to go to the bathroom this morning, so I gave up and didn't bother to do it."

So, don't fight it out or hang on if you don't want to bother, but please be clear about what and why and who.

>There's nothing terribly sad about my death because there was nothing terribly contributing about my life.

Excuse me? If you really mean to go, don't you dare to presume to dictate our emotional response to your absence! You will abdicate forever any right to dictate our responses to your absence. If it throws anyone else over the edge, and you kill off every member of this board, you can't think you can say from anywhere "hey, I didn't mean it! I didn't think anyone would notice."

I heard something at an AA meeting once. A guy told the group that his sponsor cheered him in a big way when he said he wanted to kill his boss: "that's the first time you've ever turned your attention to anyone besides yourself!" Here's an assignment for your mental health: list five people whom you feel wounded by over the entire course of your entire life no matter how insignifcant you think it is, and then create a suitable vengeance for their crimes. When you're done, you may feel a bit better, you may not, but you may find yourself with a formula for a successful murder mystery...

Listen, I have to go, I've been typing this for far too long (type too slow, oh well), and I won't expect that it's made any difference to you. I hope, though, that as you read it and tell yourself that I have no right to type any of these things at you, or to presume to understand anything you're experiencing, or whatever does go through your head -- I hope you realize that you are focussing outside yourself for a moment. That maybe you do feel a little better for it.

And I hope you're looking forward to putting me in my place!


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Social | Framed

poster:Racer thread:32964
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021120/msgs/33009.html