Posted by WorryGirl on December 11, 2002, at 15:10:45
In reply to How come coping mechanisms are never healthy?, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 14:51:18
Eddie,
I have to wonder if our coping mechanisms, or lack of good ones, are something we are either born with or not.But it almost seems like maybe as much as 75% of our personality is "learned" behavior.
Example: If I were treated well by my peers from the time I was young and had never experienced any real rejection or trauma, would I be the same person? Probably not.
Let's say that as an adult I still experienced rude salespeople, bullies in the workplace and physical/sexual abuse (just as I have in my present life, but without the childhood rejection). Would I cope with these events the same way I do now? Probably not.
If I had a secure, accepting childhood I believe I would handle these occurrences as such:
1) Rude salespeople - I might seem a bit bewildered, but wouldn't take it personally.
2) Bullies in the workplace - I would confront them with their behavior immediately. If that didn't help, I would go to higher powers, no questions asked.
3) Sexual/physical abuse - I wouldn't allow it to happen a second time. I would refuse to see the person until they took steps to work on their problem. In some cases, I would call the police immediately.I do feel that if I was a different person, who had a past that nurtured more confidence, these things would not be as likely to happen to me (although bad things often happen to good and unlikely people).
My usual coping mechanism:
When I feel I am being attacked, my logical mind briefly tells me what is reality, but my emotions completely envelop me and take over my logical impulses and everything gets distorted. The resulting coping mechanism is that I almost become paralyzed, and can barely think, move or speak.In closing, I handle larger stresses MUCH more effectively. It's the really stupid small stuff that eats me up. What a waste...
poster:WorryGirl
thread:33230
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33231.html