Posted by Anna Laura on November 27, 2002, at 12:07:41
In reply to sudden sadness, posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 26, 2002, at 11:42:10
> I've been relatively happy for the last year or so. Certainly not depressed. I'm still doing ok, really, but lately I've been experiencing fairly sudden bouts of sadness that last an hour or so. I feel like crying, which I do sometimes. It's got me fairly worried. Am I slipping back into depression? Is it something different? It took so long to get away from. Maybe I'm just listening to too much Nick Drake.
> :(Hi Eddie
Sometimes it's very hard to distinguish plain sadness form a "lurking" impending depression. In spite of a 12 years experience with depression, i still have problems figuring out wether i have subtle depressive symptoms or if i'm simply going through a bad period; since the bastard keeps changing, i'm still having a hard time figuring that it out.
I'll tell you about my experience, in case it might help.
I gradually became more and more fearful years ago ; i didn't feel comfortable walking along the streets at night and i was somehow scared by strangers; i felt somehow uneasy while waiting for the bus at night ;
it was such a subtle feeling that i couldn't understand wether it was depression or not; i didn't have any other symptom other then this strange fearfulness.
I decided to call my pdoc who told me that it was perfectly normal since i had matured and i wasn't a reckless and irresponsible little girl anymore. "It's perfectly normal for a mature woman to be scared at night when she's lonely and nobody is around" - he told me.
"But i used to be a very brave person even during my worst periods of depression" i replied.
"Now you've changed and you have to accept it: you probably were hypomanic years ago, now you're normal" he added.
It sounded kind of weird to me, but i accepted his interpretation. After a while i grew unexpectedely sad: i would see a dead bird in the middle of the road and i'll burst in to tears. Another strange reaction, at least for me; i've had been psychotic years before and never cried once. But depression changes over the years: unfortunately i didn't know it yet.
So i told myself : this is not depression, 'cause when i'm depressed i'm not sad, i'm horrified. Never been sad while i was depressed.
BAD MISTAKE, cause i relapsed a few months after that. (Note: i was unmedicated).Usually i ask myself the following question: is this normal FOR ME? Is this the real me? (another tricky question since long term depression alters personality also). Anyway, this question usually works for me more or less.
May be you need to adjust or change your medication, i don't know. Or may be it's just a little bit of winter blues.Hope it helped
Take care
Anna Laura
poster:Anna Laura
thread:32762
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021120/msgs/32790.html