Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2002, at 10:27:19
In reply to Re: Thanks guys. Tea and cookies sounds great., posted by ROO on October 21, 2002, at 9:55:04
Roo, you are immensely intuitive. Yes, I think there was some cycling in that things that ordinarily wouldn't bother me did. Which is the way it usually works for me. I can hear something every day, and most of those days it won't bother me. Then if my mood is right, it will send me spinning down. I think the big precipitator was an adrenaline jolt from a medical scare that turned out to be nothing. I think that screwed up my overly sensitive wiring. Then there were some things on top of that that did make me feel as if I could not continue on in a functional way unless I rid myself of my emotions, which makes sense since my emotions were extremely bad, agitated, anxious, etc. And the validation of that view by others just made me spiral worse.
So having Ginjoint say something different from what I had been hearing (and having Susan and Jane do the same - thanks again again guys) stopped the obsessive spiral.
Sad thing is though, that it will happen again. Too much stress, a big panic attack, something that triggers my OCD, something will start that spiral again and I will melt down again. And then something will happen that pulls me out of it, or sometimes it just goes away. There are always environmental triggers, or are there? Are the environmental triggers just part of the meltdown, since they are frequently distorted thoughts themselves. Would I have been able to process Ginjoint's and Susan's and Jane's comments until the cycle had run it's course?
I'm still not feeling 100% and that is also typical. In fact, I'm back to bread this morning. I'll still feel fragile for a while and likely to tip back in, and then after a while I'll feel more solidly better. Until the next time.
And damn it, it's been happening since my son was born, every few months. I even have some insight while it is happening. But I can't stop it. And I can't find out how to prevent it. It is soooo frustrating. I need to be better about mood charting, although it doesn't seem to happen as regular as clockwork.
There are psychological components to it that my therapist subscribes to, there are chemical components that my pdoc subscribes to. I have done everything I know how to do in an obsessive desire to find out why I do the things I do. Because for the most part, I'm a left brained rational person who finds this all rather embarassing. So I probably overanalyze it, because it is so upsetting to me. Yet still it happens.
You're also right about keeping the Luvox on hand just to make me feel better. The last prescription is from 1/01. It's proabably ineffective now. I was going to call today and get a real prescription. But... taking the Luvox was more a gesture of the despair of living this way. But the ironic truth was that the meltdowns happened with the Luvox too. :( Even while I was feeling almost nothing, they happened.
I hate it, I really do.
Any ideas?
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:31377
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021010/msgs/31475.html