Posted by Ted on September 5, 2002, at 10:58:45
In reply to Re: and the $600 question... Ted... » Ted, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 5, 2002, at 4:40:16
> Oops, didn't mean to slip into therapist mode. TOtal flirtation killer :(
Yikes! sorry.>So maybe you're more ordinary guy than you think.
In some way, yes, but on average? I don't think so.
> I tend to go more for men I can look up to
For the father figure you lost?
> Had one male friend that I felt pretty safe with, and that was the one that was hardest to get over after it ended.
See what I mean?
> Were you an only child?
No, but I might as well have been. I was the youngest of four: brother 11-1/2 years older and two sisters 10 and 5-1/2 years older. By the time I came around (I tell my parents I must have been the "mistake" by the way I was raised), my parents had seen and done it all and had lost interest in parenting. They were too busy pampering my brother and oldest sister. FWIW, the younger of my sisters is, like me, bipolar and socially messed up, though she is in *major* denial. She is currently on her 4th husband.
>I have read that neglect is more damaging than abuse, but I resist accepting that.
Ditto. It's bad, but I don't believe it's worse.
Then again, abuse, with loving support afterwards, has a chance to be cured. Neglect provides no models for love, companionship, etc. and causes lifelong harm.
>THere was a weird closeness with my mom though
My biggest problem was my mother. I couldn't wait until I finished university (I lived at home) and could drive 1000 miles away. I think my parents feel the same way: They only visit California every 5-6 years and have seen their grandson in his own home only twice. They will drive long distances to visit my siblings and to visit Mexico, though, so I can see where I fit in their priorities. BTW: My son is the youngest of their 7 grandchildren (+ 3 step-grandchildren) (the oldest is 20 years older) so it is another one of those BTDT things for them.
> Must hurt to think that you were not her first choice.
Nope. Because I was *the* choice. She had many offers, but as she describes it, they were all *much* worse than me. (I point out to her that she doesn't say I was "much better" than the others. But my wife had a particularly poor and distant relationship with her father and brother).
> -----------------------
> Well Ted I don't know if all this flirtation has been just a moodswing for me or not, but it sure cheered me up this weekend. I went clothes shopping and am doing "the girl thing" again. I've been in total non-sexual mode for a couple years, so maybe it's just time to get back into it.Woo-hoo! Go for it! I hope you do well!
Ted
poster:Ted
thread:29660
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29881.html