Posted by Medusa on August 28, 2002, at 4:37:26
I realised last night - in bed at play with DH, which I presume is a terrible time to think about these things - that it's normal and okay for me to feel lonely.
I don't really have any friends. We're at odds with all of his family and with a good bit of mine.
I have an insurance company telling me I'm a lousy liar for being in pain.
I don't have a job and I really want one but I'm afraid of every part of the process.
And so it's probably a good sign that I feel lonely. I'm lonely.
I don't know why I have such issues with this. Well. My parents told me it was bad to "need friends". And that my mother should be my best friend, and if I couldn't be friends with her, I must not need friends.
Screw all that. It would be nice to be ... less isolated. DH is a really good start. I think I got him, by being such a b!+ch. He says maybe we're together because we're both loners who don't want to be alone all the time.
And it's okay to feel so bloody lonely all the time. I question what that feeling really is - sometimes the feeling would be satisfied by being able to buy posh fabrics and have them made into custom clothes and wear them to explore museums alone, or wear them to a great job even if people didn't like me there - but sometimes I really am lonely.
M
poster:Medusa
thread:29420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020820/msgs/29420.html