Posted by sid on June 8, 2002, at 16:13:51
How are you all?
I'm doing pretty well, have been away from the board for a bit more than a week. I got orthodontic braces and I was rather aggressive for a few days - they bothered me a lot! But now I'm used to them. Weird how humans can get used to just about anything. I didn't do any internet stuff for a while since I had trouble staying in one place with those things in my mouth. They mostly hurt my inner lips and cheeks. Kind of weird how low-tech braces still are. The first few days I thought: what have I done? I had a tooth extracted before getting the braces, so I counldn't just change my mind and take them off: there's a hole close to the front of my mouth. But my skin toughened up and now I'm OK. Apparently it's the usual "adult" reaction to orthodontic treatments. One week of freaking out and then it's fine.
On the therapy front - I'm not in therapy per se, but I have an issue left to deal with, as some of you know - I am finding a strength that I was not aware I had! Perhaps from talking to some of you about it (past and continuing sexual abuse and harrassment), but man, I am ready to fight! Rather than avoiding the offending party, I decided to continue seeing him (i.e., my brother in law) with his family. However, now, the smallest misbehavior on his part will set me off big time. I have decided to play his game - I will answer his demands, out loud so everybody can hear. I will comment on his masturbation technique, out loud, so everybody can hear. I will mention his imposing me HIS sexuality since I was 5, out loud, so everybody can hear. I will make him ashamed of himself, just like he did to me all these years. I suspect I won't have to do much: it'll all stop quickly. He may throw me out of his house, I don't mind one bit. I saw him last night, and he did nothing wrong (I was almost disappointed! I was sooo ready to strike back!). I think he felt that NOTHING was going to be forgiven this time. I did not even look at him or talk to him. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. I'm mean!
I did realize however that my sister is in fact OBLIVIOUS to it all. She saw some of it happening, laughed at it too. But I guess she sees it as pure humour too - how crazy is that? When people are right in it, they can't see it! She said she met an uncle of ours at the grocery store this week. I mentioned that he could be dead as far as I'm concerned, because he used to say and do inappropriate things to me and a cousin of mine who's the same age as me (it's all true, I was not fishing to see if she knew about her husband, since it was obvious to me she knew). She replied: oh, I can't stand that! People like that should be put away for life! I have zero tolerance for that!I just turned around and changed the subject. We were at my niece's graduation ceremony, and I did not want to make a scene for her. But I will tell her some day. Incredible!
Apart from that, I'm pretty well. Well, even WITH that issue, I'm doing pretty well.
I see that some of you are doing well too. Some are taking breaks from the board. And some are having difficulties still. I feel for you people and will try to send positive, healing energy (no, I don't belong to some weird sect, but I will think of you kindly!).
I will not be on the board for most of the summer. I will be away for several weeks (working! no vacation for me!) and will not have access to the Internet. I'll be back in late August. It'll be a good change to be away: less family-related stress for a while!
Have a good summer!!!!!
- sid
poster:sid
thread:25150
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25150.html