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I don't think a pencil sharpener will do here.... » CtrlAlt n Del

Posted by alii on June 2, 2002, at 15:15:58

In reply to Re: ...stopping the tide of self-destruction? Why?! » alii, posted by CtrlAlt n Del on June 2, 2002, at 7:07:44

CtrlAlt n Del,

I feel like I have been trying for years and sometimes I am as content as I can be with the few seconds/glimpses of happiness/normal life I get. Then there are the periods of time when the darkness begins chipping away at the progress I've made, oozing its way back in to my daily thoughts, undermining the moments of relative stability I felt....

I go out and do things....eat the right things when I can eat......still empty.....still strange sleep and odd dreams in that sleep......dark sudden thoughts.......the planning, again with the planning.

Boing boing boing goes the bouncing ball.

Here's a heaping helping of that contented home you so seek....

Brokenpointedly,

alii

....sar's posts swing me between hope and hell. I miss her words/beauty/spirit so much but I honour her freedom from this hell which was her illness. Sometimes her words soothe me and yet I am still so angry that she got out and I remain entrenched in this battle. So conflicted.

> Hi Ali....
> Yeh , people say that life it ain't easy you got to help yourself etc etc but it doesn't stop the ongoing dark ambience the feeling of just getting out of this world or some other oblivion.
> Trying to do the right things eat well , excercise ..getting things done going out when you still in that hopeless bubble...
> Reading Sars posts to help me..
> There is no point I guess I've never belonged here started feeling suicidal at five years old so I guess whatevers wrong with me it's me--can't be fixed , oh well I carry on and bounch back still trying to reach a feeling of home and contentment--guess that's the point : )
> xxxxxxxx


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