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Re: Hope this isn't inappropriate--Manda » Roo

Posted by Manda on May 14, 2002, at 10:58:55

In reply to Re: Hope this isn't inappropriate--Manda, posted by Roo on May 13, 2002, at 15:44:52

<<However, I think my lack of experience certainly makes it harder.) Do you think that you might be in a similar position?
Well, not exactly. I'm 33 and have been in 4 different long term relationships, and have the experience.>>
Sorry I didn't make it clear- what I meant to say was do you think that perhaps you are so caught up in trying to be the perfect lover because you are experiencing a lack of libido (or b/c you have in the past)? Anyway, thought I'd clear that up. I wasn't implying that you were inexperienced, just that you might be focusing on being a "femme fatale" b/c you were compensating for not being as into it as he was. Just a thought.

<Have y'all talked about this? The fact that you're both so scared?>
No, we haven't talked about it at all. I think we're both uncomfortable with even approaching the subject. I know that I don't want to push him or make him feel uncomfortable, and I bet he's the same way. Consequently, we avoid the subject. This is definitely going to have to change, obviously. I keep trying to get myself to talk to him about it, but I just keep chickening out.

<Also, do you take meds for your depression?>
Well, yes and no. I'm on meds, but not stabilized yet. I just started Effexor, and it's working well now, but I'll have to wait and see if it keeps working. I have a history of ad's quitting after a month or two. My pdoc is thinking I may be bipolar II, so it may take a long time before I get stabilized on meds.

<It's not really sad... I see a real sweetness in that you both obviously care about each other a lot and are in it for a lot more than sex. You seem very considerate of each other.>
Yeah, we really do have a wonderful relationship. We're completely in love with each other, and each of us would do absolutely anything for the other. The physical side of the relationship is the only thinking lacking in any way, so I think we're really, really lucky. I don't really have any complaints about him. I don't really care so much about the physical intimacy- it's more that everyone else seems to think that this is evidence of a much bigger problem in our relationship. However, I honestly don't think it is. I think we're just different in our needs, wants, and priorities than most couples our age. I just don't want our relationship to fall apart because of this (and I don't think it will), and, at some point, I would really like to move beyond this and express our love for each other in different ways. However, like I said, it's really not so much of a problem as everyone else seems to think. :) I guess I should just stop listening to my friends and listen to my heart. Anyway, good luck to you. Take care!
Pax,
Manda


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