Posted by Alii on April 24, 2002, at 11:02:40
In reply to What is wrong with me???, posted by Penny on April 24, 2002, at 10:09:31
Penny,
>>>>What is wrong with me???<<<<
Depression. It skews thinking and feelings. This isn't a 'good' thing or a 'bad' thing. It just is. (sorry to sound so zen about it)
What is your therapy like? How often? And what is the trust level with this current therapist?
I've been through 4 pdocs over the years. 7 or 8 therapists from the time I was in my late teens/early twenties. At that time and leading up to the past two years I thought I was like this as well:
>>>After 2 1/2 years in therapy, I don't know that I'm any closer to reaching my goal of
opening up to a relationship...or 'putting myself out there.' Just can't seem to get to that
point. When I do start to open up to the possibility...I get more depressed. Then I can focus
on that....
...I've been feeling quite down lately
(again) and hopeless. Like, if this is all there is to life, I don't want it anymore. Like I'm
going to be alone forever b/c, obviously, no one would want to be with me. And I can't say
that I blame them. I suppose I am just whining about it, but it hurts so much inside. Being
alone hurts, and the fear of opening up to someone is overwhelming, so much so that I
prefer the hurt. But, truly, I'd prefer to just not be here anymore.<<<<I wish I had more clarity to offer better support than the old standby of 'it just takes time'. But the lack of good sleep last night is messing with my ability to grasp what it is I want to say.
As for the fear of opening up...you're on here aren't you? Does this not count as opening up? Or are you refering to person to person? I've been through so many different modalities of therapy and in looking back I can see that I wasn't ready for some of the work I needed to do at those times. It didn't change my frustration at not being happy with where I was at.
As for whining? Whine away. I've found that 90 percent of the time I put something out there (talking to a therapist, friend, or writing in a journal or letter) I feel better just for having gotten something out. The other 10 percent....can't help ya there. Sorry.
Namaste.
--Alii
poster:Alii
thread:22547
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020422/msgs/22550.html