Posted by Chris A. on April 20, 2002, at 16:38:17
In reply to How do i stop being angry?, posted by LiLi80 on April 11, 2002, at 14:29:08
You say forgiveness doesn't work, because they don't deserve it. Forgiveness is a choice and a process (sometimes takes years), and it is for *you*, not them. It is well worth it in the long run. When you're wronged there should be restitution and justice, but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be forgiveness. It is a long process. Believe me, I've been there, and it nearly tore me apart. One thing that probably helps me is my faith "If Christ has forgiven me, who am I not to forgive them? I certainly haven't done anything that would merit Christ's forgiveness." Everytime this person would cross my conciousness, which aroused anger in me, I used that as a cue to say to myself "I CHOOSE to forgive them." It's an act of the will, not of feeling. Eventually the feelings come.
As far as meds go, have you ever tried Depakote? It seems to be the drug of choice for anger. It's definitely worked for my adolescent nephew with dysphoric mania. Last year at this time my sister and her family were in fear for their lives because his angry outbursts were so bad. He would think one of his parents said something that they didn't and go ballistic.
Another possibility is to find one person that agrees to let you rant to them in person; then make a contract with yourself only to rant to that person. Our son has ADHD, has a strong sense of justice and can get really angry on impulse. He is in the USMC and everyone knows that not much is ever fair in that environment. So we've told him that instead of getting himself in trouble with superiors or peers, to call us and rant all he wants (no swearing). Then we ask him to think through what the person(s) on the other side of the conflict might have been thinking and what the details of their situation were. Then he can go lift weights until he drops. We've also talked to him about forgiveness, but I don't think he's figured out the value of it yet. He's beginning to understand that it's to his advantage to manage his anger. He's gotten promotions rather than being busted down a rank or two. One time he said he wanted to bash a superior officer in the face. If he would have acted on his impulse he would have been in the brig. He's 21 now, but got kicked out of two high schools when younger because of his angry outbursts. Now he's out in the field and can't call us, so I hope he's keeping what he's learned in mind.
Another thought - we are so brainwashed in our culture to think we are entitled to this or entitled to that. At points I've had to deliberately tell myself that I'm not entitled to anything. If I want something I need to start giving of myself - especially to those that are undeserving. By giving, I end up with peace and more than I could ever ask for. BTW, I am far from perfect (just ask my Hubby). We are all works in progress.
You are courageous to bring this topic up and I wish you the best.
Blessings,
Chris A.
poster:Chris A.
thread:21893
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020411/msgs/22312.html