Posted by Penny on March 28, 2002, at 13:08:46
In reply to Re: Penny!!! Yes, you! » Dinah, posted by Zo on March 28, 2002, at 6:47:49
Zo,
Sorry if I portrayed my latest pdoc to be something he's not, but I really like him. At least he SEES the mood swings. My last two attributed it all to 'anxiety.'
He told me yesterday when I saw him, after trying to assess my level of feeling 'up,' to definitely page him if I started feeling more 'up' or down again. Said that this time around, if I kept experiencing mood swings, it was probably not the medication causing my elevated mood...so he's been looking for a cycle. And he used the term 'rapid cycling.' He said he thought I have a mild akathesia (med related, started when I was on too high a dose of Paxil) and wanted me to stop the Geodon in hopes that it would bring me down a little and ease the trembling. Tho' after I talked to him last night, he decided I needed to stay on the Geodon, since I was heading downhill...
And it's hard for me to explain to him how I feel. And since I don't really know what it feels like to feel 'normal', I sometimes wonder if my ups are hypomanic or not. I didn't have the racing thoughts yesterday, just mainly the 'decreased need for sleep' - which was decreased for me, though not necessarily for someone else (I got five hours the night before) and lots of energy. Which felt good.
Anyway, when he called me back last night, he asked how down I was and I told him that I didn't want to kill myself (which I didn't) but that I was no worse off than I have been in the past. And I'm not. But then again, I haven't told him (yet) that I've been thinking about 'hurting' myself in some manner. Cutting, maybe. Haven't done it yet, but for some reason it intrigues me. But I'd like to not go there.
I'm discouraged. I'm not as fatigued, so I'm thinking the thyroid is doing SOMETHING, but my mood isn't elevated. But my appetite is nil (I eat more when I'm depressed, typically) and my brain feels fairly 'clear', compared to how I usually feel depressed. But I can see that black cloud coming...
Just paged him a few minutes ago. I'm going to talk to him about lamictal. I'm not sure why he's hesitant to start me on a mood stabilizer, other than that he doesn't like to start two meds too close together.
Anyway, thanks, Zo, for your thoughts and your concern. I REALLY appreciate it. And I AM going to talk to him about lamictal. But I really do trust him.
I'll keep you posted. Hope you are doing well.
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:21081
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020325/msgs/21124.html