Posted by Dr. Bob on February 9, 2002, at 15:59:18
In reply to how to help a teen in crisis?, posted by christophrejmc on February 9, 2002, at 0:59:43
[Posted by jane d on February 9, 2002, at 15:48:46]
> Christophre,
>
> I must be getting old because my answer is not what it would have been a few years ago. I'm sure many people will disagree with me and they may be right.
>
> I think how to deal with your cousin depends on her age. And, for that matter, yours. Assuming that you are an adult, your responsibilities to a thirteen year old are different than those to a nineteen year old. I think, if she is a child, an adult doesn't have the right to decide to be just a friend any more than they have the right to participate in a sexual relationship. The imbalance in power and knowlege requires certain things from you. One of those things would be breaking any confidences she made about plans for suicide. I think betrayal is telling a child you won't repeat anything they say when this is not a promise you can or should keep.
>
> It's different with someone older (and I don't know exactly how much older I mean). I don't think you are automatically responsible anymore. You can choose to take responsibility if you think they are to ill to take care of themselves but I think that you can also choose to decide that they are responsible for themselves. I've had to make that judgment one way or the other a couple of times over the years (luckily without fatal consequences) and I'm still not sure what the right thing to do is when dealing with another adult.
>
> That's theory. On a practical basis I would try to protect the relationship you have formed while trying to get her some more support. No one should be relying on support from one other person. If she cannot talk to the Psychologist perhaps you can help her find someone else. Teenage girls are sometimes more comfortable talking to a woman. If she can't change maybe you can help her figure out how to feel comfortable enough to get what she can out of the doctors she has now. That's an area where your experience should help.
>
> Good luck.
>
> Jane
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:17987
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020202/msgs/18009.html