Posted by Augusta on December 31, 2001, at 2:22:10
In reply to Re: Pick your battles wisely » bonnie_ann, posted by shelliR on December 30, 2001, at 21:44:02
Hi Bonnie, Hi Shelli,
I am kind of with Shelli, in that I was surprised the Bonnie did not take the advice of cmcdougall and Mair. After reading their responses, I myself had had the impression that although my post may very well have been "correct," that theirs were quite likely wiser.
I have to say, however, that I do not agree that a child cannot have too many people who care about him. There are plenty of toxic people around, and manipulative people, and etc. So that I do feel that this is quite an overstatement.
Still, I think it might be helpful, Bonnie, if you wanted, to take a second look at some of the things that seem to be going on.
Completely setting apart the issue of the ex-wife, do you really not feel confident in your relationship with your son, that it is a loving and essentially constructive one? Do you do other things with your son besides the "Mom" kinds of things?
Or taking it from a different tack, is there something going on with your son, perhaps, that makes it hard for him to do these things himself? (Here I am just noticing that you feel you have to "push" to have him do just the ordinary chores of living. Have you thought of ADD or some such possibility?)
My impression is that the ex-wife probably really doesn't matter much here. The crux of it seems to be your concern over the quality of your own relationship with your son -- whether it is good, whether it could be better, how it could be better, all that kind of thing.
Your relationship with your son might, in fact, be great. It might be very good in light of other difficulties that impinge on the situation.
Alternatively, it could possibly use some work too. Perhaps you could make some changes in what you do, what he does, what you focus on, that would make it nicer for both of you.
Ultimately, though, I am hearing (I think) that you are concerned about your own loveability. Please be sure you are loveable. And please know that no one can ever take your place in your son's heart.
poster:Augusta
thread:15861
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/16060.html