Posted by bonnie_ann on December 28, 2001, at 18:12:10
In reply to Re: Pick your battles wisely, posted by Mair on December 26, 2001, at 17:48:33
> Sorry but I'm with Carly on this one. Sure this woman is your husband's ex, but she is also the mother of your son's half brother. And, yes, she will be a part of your life for years to come, and hopefully her son will continue to be a part of your husband's and your son's lives, not to mention yours.
>
> My parents didn't split until I was out of college and a few years after that, my father remarried. For years things were awful between my mother and father and family ocassions of any sort were extremely awkward. Really it was my father's wife who made alot of overtures to my mother to make her feel more comfortable, and last night I marveled at the sight of the 2 of them washing dishes together at my house. This is by no means a wonderful dynamic - my stepmother drives me and my siblings nuts and my father sometimes acts like an idiot around my mother and my mother still is visibly uncomfortable around my father - BUT things are tons better than they were and my siblings and I no longer have to race around trying to manage "dual" holidays and worrying about the fact that at some point the 3 of them might end up in the same room forced to try to talk to one another. It's wonderful not to have to be a buffer and you run some risk that you'll force your son to be one.
>
> MairThank you for your advice. After I stewed over it a day I told my husband that I didn't want her buying gifts anymore. His reply was that "It made his day" I immediately told him that I want to be the one making his day. And that It wasn't her place to buy him gifts. He said OK and that was it- no arguement - and I was ready to go at it with him if he objected.
We'll see what happens.
It's just that I feel being a Mom and having to make sure he eats his dinner and brushes his teeth,wakes up for school, changes his underwear- (he has a thing for not changing it) cleans his room and does his homework- doesn't much "make his day". Some of the time he says I'm mean and I don't do this or that for him you know? It's all insecurity on my part. I know he says it in frustration. I worry he may compare me to her, and I don't think that I'm good enough- she'd be better for him...... whatever. Then there's the other part of me that will fight it and be mad just so I don't have to be afraid.
Whatever -
Thanks,
Bonnie
poster:bonnie_ann
thread:15861
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15979.html