Posted by shelliR on November 27, 2001, at 16:50:45
In reply to Suicide, posted by Cass on November 23, 2001, at 23:57:55
Cass, I wish you would write today. I think it's important to all the people on the board who care about you. I think you owe it to be straight with us, and let us know if you are safe.
If you're not sure whether to kill yourself, it is obviously not the right time to make that move. You can always change your mind later, it you die there is no changing of mind. Except that a lot of people fail and end up living with brain damage.
Living with brain damage is not always something that you can change. But the other things you can change, not immediately unfortunately, but with a plan, and safety until you are ready to implement the plan.
Both Judy and Sar and others had an excellent suggestions. We can support you, but you are the one who has to make the change in thinking. Break down the reasons that you want to die in a very concrete list. Also the things you love and the people who care. Maybe you could tell us (that would be really brave) or maybe pick someone on the board that you feel very close to and e-mail that person.
If you write each thing down, you can start working on solutions. It is not an I hate myself, want to die feeling. There are specific things that are pushing on you. Write down about you financial problems. Who do you really owe money to that it will make a remarkable difference in their lives if they got the money. Probably no one. Probably all have a place to live and enough to eat. If it's credit card stuff then you can work on finding one of those credit card places that help you manage your debt.
Do the same with your illness. Is it physically very painful. If so then maybe you can get drugs that will help you. If it stops you from doing things you like doing, maybe there are ways to change that. Sometimes it is just time.
Anyway, obviously I don't know the specifics, but I think there is no problem that is too big that it can't be handled in some way besides dying. And we can help you look at each one and see that broken down they are not awful enough to kill yourself over. Especially because you like yourself and like life. With other people that is so much of the battle. With you, you can actually start with the concrete things that are tipping you over.
But first, I hope that you are safe, and can share that you are safe. When someone comes on the board saying that they are deciding whether to kill themselves it makes us all very scared. Scared for you and scared for the parts of us that have sometimes had to hold on in the same way that you are now.