Posted by shelliR on November 13, 2001, at 23:03:31
In reply to Re:followup » shelliR, posted by Marie1 on November 12, 2001, at 20:59:28
Hi Marie,
I think Mair is right that you've been with him a long time and the "breakup" was pretty sudden.
It's hard for me to identify in terms of being in love with my therapist (except for one when I was 19-20) they have all been women. And I loved him much the same way as a women, didn't feel sexual toward him, just very cared for by him.
For me with my women therapists, its similar to what Mair said of being afraid of terminating. I have terminated enough times now that I realize that it is worse before for me than after. I missed my last therapist for the first time really, but it wasn't heart wrenching, just sad especially for a kid inside who loved her very much.For me, the fear has more to
do with not feeling grown-up enough to do it on my own. Adding a male therapist to the mix is so confusing. I remember we talked about with a male therapist, he can be both a father and lover image, and you have lost both. If you're a straight woman working with a women, the connection is still very very strong, but I don't have fantasies of running off with her.
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> The fact is, I miss him so much sometimes it physically hurts. I think about him hundreds of times a day. I go miles out of my way to shop at the grocery store he goes to on the off chance I might run into him. I've never had a relationship with anyone like that before. (He is my first (and hopefully last) shrink, and I guess I'm a classic case of transference. I was so vulnerable and (in his words) *desperate* to get better when I first saw him, and he treated me with such concern and kindness, and then I did get better, it's no wonder I fell in love with him.Do you feel like you have worked out the things in your life that made you go into therapy? That's what it sounds like. If you had stayed in therapy, were there still things to work on. I know you mentioned your marriage, but in general were you winding down?
If you can't get out of this obsession after a while, I would go to another therapist for a consultation to help figure out how much has to do with him, and how much has to do with things in your life that he represents. (maybe a woman :-)
> Not seeing him is like quitting heroin or worse - cigarettes - cold turkey. He's always in my thoughts. I can only hope that as time goes by and I have no contact with him, it will get better. But right now, I miss him terribly and have found myself thinking about going back to see him. But I can't. One reason is why I quit in the first place, the second is financial. I can use that $500.00+/mnth I paid out of pocket to see him. Plus, I'm still sort of pissed off at him for his take on things and even refusing at first to prescribe my medication. I'll admit, I'm trying to hold onto that feeling of anger. It helps justify to myself not going back.> If you can relate to *any* of this, please say so. Sometimes I feel so incredibly high school feeling the way I do. The best thing I got out of "In Session" is that apparently this is normal. But knowing that doesn't seem to help.
Have you talked about these love feelings with him? I haven't read In Session yet (no time til after christmas) but does the author say how this is all resolved. Can it be resolved on your own? Does the author differential between male and female therapists?I can't really identify to the strength of obsession, only to know that you are really in pain. I wonder if it is the right thing to go back and work this through with him. A friend said that she would actually sleep with her therapist if he would (of course, knowing that he wouldn't). And she was a very very faithful type wife and family person. So I think you are right that this is common. I wonder if you pulled closer to your husband (not in talking about this, but in other ways) if that would help the pain.
Sorry I can't be of more help.
Shelli
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poster:shelliR
thread:13033
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13880.html