Posted by wendy b. on October 28, 2001, at 15:38:52
In reply to Is anxiety worse than depression FOR YOU, posted by PaulB on October 28, 2001, at 10:12:15
Hi Paul,
Like Greg A, I think this is a good question...
My initial dx was anxiety, brought on by a very difficult marital situation where I was being physically and emotionally beat up on by the husband. I was seeing a social worker who was very understanding and helpful. She told my general practioner about the anxiety dx, he then prescribed me the gold-standard, Xanax, warning me about it being habit-forming. I was only prescribed .25 mg, and I was new to all of this, so I felt guilty as hell when I downed 3 per day, for a brief period of time, during court proceedings, etc. I never had any problems with addiction, or whatever, and it was helpful. I still have a scrip for it, for particularly difficult times, or when I need it for sleep.
During the time I was plotting my escape from the marital abode, I would have panic attacks almost every day, as though something somehow was going to prevent my being able to succeed with my plan. I would have long attacks lasting many hours, at work, with sweat literally pouring down my arms, my heart pounding loudly in my chest, shortness of breath, etc., all the classic symptoms. It was a horror.
After that period was over, I realized I also had many symptoms of depression (was living on my own raising my daughter alone), and ventured that theory to my therapist, who said I probably was depressed. About the same time I was becoming aware of a lot of rage and irritability, in the week (sometimes 2, even 3) before my period, and talked to the gynocologist about peri-menopause, who put me on Zoloft. He understood that life was quite stressful for me, and thought it would help. It did work well at the time (I was on it 3 years) before it pooped out.
I then had to go to a meds specialist, who dx'd me bipolar I, single manic episode, with a tendency toward full-blown depression. I'm on Wellbutrin and Neurontin right now, though I think I need some Depakote too, for mood swings and the occasional hypomanic episode.
For me, I guess the answer to your question is that I don't have anxiety without the depression, that the two go hand in hand for me. After going on the Zoloft, I realized I had been depressed since childhood. It made me feel so much better that I was able to finally objectify my earlier experiences in life, that in my childhood I had lived with fear and had to stifle that emotion, because I didn't know what it was, and nobody talked to kids about 'feelings' back then, even though it was the '60s. It was probably some kind of low-level GAD all that time, topped with a feeling of being worthless and that nothing would ever work out for me in my life. Even as a child I thought this...
I don't know if this is helpful to you or anybody else, I feel that I can't separate out the anxiety from the depression. I live with anxiety every day, always sure something terrible is going to happen, like I am going to lose my daughter to my ex-husband, because I have no financial security at the moment, for example. Thoughts that I am going to die, not related to any particular reality... I have never suffered from social phobia, always feeling easy whenever I was the center of attention, never worrying too much about speaking in front of groups, etc. I have felt some ruminating obsessive-type problems for the first time this year, ongoing, because of a more recent difficult breakup, where I never had the chance to tell the guy how I felt, or express the anger I had toward him and the situation. So I had to bottle it up, and it came out as obsessive thinking, going over and over why things hadn't worked out... You know the drill. But I still experience that kind of ruminating as part of the depression, that it doesn't exist outside of the depressed state, that it is part and parcel of the same illness, in my particular case.
Hope this is helpful to the discussion...
best,
Wendy
poster:wendy b.
thread:13064
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011025/msgs/13077.html